Recently I have decided to lose weight. Now, I realize that for some of you weight isn't an issue and I have to admit until after I had Ellie it wasn't really an issue for me either. I have come to discover that my body is a temple and I must really pay attention to what I put into my body. I also was getting tired of being tired all the time and not able to have the energy to take care of my family without barking at everyone and to be able to have the strength to help out in church functions that were "good things" but I never had the energy to do them either. I have also realized how important it is that I teach my children how important it is to exercise and eat right. I don't want it to be something that they dread and I also don't want them to be scared to ever have cake at a birthday party. For me this issue of health and exercise has always been a very careful line that I don't want to cross over into and do the wrong thing. I have overcome Satan's hold on me in this area but let me explain before I go further.
Let me just take you on a small journey and remember I'm being very transparent here as I write this and if you think ill of me after you read it then.....well....boo on you I guess! This is one reason why I have taken so long to address the weight issue because I was terrified that old habits would come back and I so didn't want to be in that position EVER again.
When I was in highschool I wasn't overweight but being the typical teen I worried about everything. I remember walking into youth group palms sweaty, thinking that absolutely every single person was looking at me (yes, I realize now how vain that was but that is how I felt THEN). I attended a school that wanted perfection and I mean PERFECTION! I was in a class with above average intelligent young people. I was always the one that was catching on a day late it seemed. So, since I couldn't fit in in that respect I decided to perfect what I could. I worked and worked to make straight B's but hey I got on the honor roll and that's what counted! STill, I knew that others didn't have to study and they made straight A's. I found it so depressing.
One particular day I was at cheerleading practice and a fellow cheerleader commented on how heavy I was to hold. Now in case you weren't aware when I was in highschool I weighed 102 MAYBE! I'm five foot three and now weigh at least 25 lbs more than that (realize I'm being VERY honest right now) so there was NO way I was heavy, but I took it to heart and did the unthinkable. I begin starving myself and purging. This is certainly not a happy thing for me to talk about. It's embarassing and I can't believe that it had such a hold on me but it did. It took me years to get over. I had to go to counseling in college to gain control over it. I just NOW have allowed a scale to be in my house. I have been able to help other young girls who have agonized over this and who have let this overcome their lives but looking back I know that it was pure selfishness and I was trying to control something in my life. As soon as I allowed God to control my life and not myself and as soon as I understood that he made me in His image I was able to quit doing the harm to "the temple" that I was doing.
Now as I finally decided to take this class I realized that what I needed was a true lifestyle change. As I stood there in our kickboxing class yesterday (yes it was pretty funny) I laughed at how amazing we as women are. I was looking at our instructor who was a little younger than me and had three beautiful children. There she was yelling at us to motivate us and telling us "good job!" and all of us were wanting to hear her say that to us just like a little child waiting to hear praise from our teachers, and trying desperately to keep up with her. I also loved how that we were all trying as hard as we could to punch but since we are all girls we punch like girls I'm sure that men would have gotten a true laugh from watching us. We were all there for the same purpose: to lose weight, to be encouraged and to learn to work out but I think I got much more than I thought I would get. These four ladies and I meet each week and we know a lot about each other. We have shared funny stories and things that rip our hearts out and it just really got me to thinking as we cried over the hurt of one of our friends yesterday.....we as women are pretty incredible people. God did such an amazing thing when he created us, all of us. We can be firm when we need to be, nurturers when we need to be and cry with our friends when they hurt also.
I wonder what women do when they don't have true friends to talk to, to vent to, to work out with, to cry to? I'm grateful for all the friends and family that God has allowed into my life to encourage, laugh with me and to be brave enough to tell me that I have failed! I hope to always have that in my life! Thanks girls you mean the world to me!
Whether or not you are doing a "lifestyle" change like I'm doing for my body or you have decided to get into His word more deeply or if you have decided that this year your going to be getting involved with the church more, school more, or more family time...whatever God has laid on your heart...make sure you have Godly people surrounding you, encouraging you and helping you as you make YOUR new "lifestyle" change!