Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Serving in the Ministry
I wonder if many of you have struggled like I have to find a ministry that you fit in at your church? I have greatly struggled with this. I have found that whatever I get involved in at church I somehow become weary in it and discouraged. Perhaps I think that I need a cheerleader constantly telling me how fabulous they think I am and if so why is it that I need that?
For several years...I shall prepare you for this....this will sound strange as I type this. I had God really burdening my heart for the people in our congregation for ......well.....I know your going to put your eyebrows up.....for LAUGHTER! for JOY!!! I looked around at our church and I thought to myself "we are a HURTING people" I kept seeing such sorrows and don't get me wrong girls these were BIG sorrows! WE had several mothers who have lost their children in the past three years at our church, people that have had financial issues, sickness issues...these were BIG issues. I knew that praying for them was what God required but I really wanted to do something that would provide some balm to their souls to help them through it. That is when the idea of Miss Dot was born. I battled with this from the time God started burdening me with it until I finally did something about it!
Many people who first meet me for the first time think that I'm very "secure" in myself. So much so that people have told me later that they thought I was snotty (I'm so sorry, I had no idea!) Really though I'm very shy and in highschool (and I have people to back me up) I would sit in the back whenever possible and then I would say whatever came to my mind (which was usually something funny) and make the people around me laugh and then of course get into trouble (sorry about that guys!) When I would get up to play the piano for the church or for a competition (yes, God has been working on me about playing for church again to but one thing at a time people!!!!) ANYWAY, when I would play the piano for church my Dad would always know when my knees starting shaking and when start to move up to my hands he would pray "Lord, help her to be done quick" and most of the time no one knew that I was about to shake myself right off the platform but GIRLS it was soooo hard to sit there I felt like barfing every time!
So, I say all that to say when God started on this "clown" idea I said "Lord seriously, there has GOT to be something I can do for you that doesn't require SUCH.....SUCH......well quite honestly SUCH humiliation!!!!!" He insisted and insisted and kept whispering to me "who cares what others think of you, what do I think of you and what do those that need to be ministered to feel when you make them smile and laugh?" So, I reluctantly started at school carnivals and actually enjoyed it, then another then another then I started getting asked to things....HEY that's a big deal that people actually WANT you! Then, I went to Awanas and the kids DIDN'T hate me and then I went to playgroup and then other churches asked me and THEN I started going to people's houses in our church and THAT was super fun and I thought HEY this is pretty amazing Lord. Why in the world didn't I listen to you sooner?????
THEN........yes girls there is a THEN!!!! Satan started working on me and telling me lies and people would say things that they didn't mean to come across mean and I do believe with all my heart that if they knew that their comments hurt me they would just be very upset but they did and that's all it took....that was Satan's in and I started disliking everyone. I didn't want to go to church, I didn't want to work in the nursery, I didn't want to sing at church, I didn't care to go. I told myself that we had no friends, no one would notice us if we were gone, what' s the use??? THEN, I realized I was barking at EVERYBODY!!! No body in my house was normal and no one driving could drive properly and everyone was rude and the whole world HATED Jamie! Yes, can you imagine it? The whole entire world was against me! So, after eating about a ton of chocolate and feeling very sorry for myself with the way life was and this stupid town (because all of St. Joe hated me too!) I thought to myself....."Perhaps its me?" No, that can't possibly be it?? I knew that in my heart I was wrong and I had sinned and I had quit doing what God had commanded me to do all because my feelings got hurt. It's silly as I say this and look back on it. All that grief for absolutely no reason but Satan had his fun and was delighted at how far down the path he was taking me.
Now, I have a few functions that Miss Dot does a year for Awanas, playgroup and our church. I still work at nursery and still try to be available for other areas of service that may come around but I try very hard now to realize that even when God tells you to do something and no one else seems to care or be your cheerleader God is and when He commands you to do something (no matter who else thinks your insane:)) You need to do it! and with a happy heart! or in my case with a cute red nose!