Monday, September 27, 2010
I was brought up in a church and a school where perfection was desired in just about every aspect of life. The way you dressed, the way you performed, grades everything was about perfection. We were encouraged to always do our best for the glory of God. There is nothing wrong with this idea except that "perfection" is not at all what God requires. It has taken me several years to be o.k. with this idea and even now as an adult I will tell you that I don't have this down AT ALL!
I will tell you that I still worry if I'm home schooling my kids the excellence that they deserve. Am I committed enough? Am I explaining it well enough? I worry that my house isn't decorated enough, I don't cook well enough. Why can't I say no to food better? Why can't this weight fall off faster? By the way why do I always see cobwebs when guests are HERE and NOT when they are NOT here.
I live in a town that is NOT perfect. In fact some outsiders may say that we are a bit of a "cow town." When I first moved here I will tell you that I went to the park and cried A LOT. There was only a Wal-MArt here and some grocery stores. I was a stepmother to two girls that didn't really like me very much at first and I was in a town that I knew no one. It was a recipe for DISASTER!!!! However, I will tell you now that there is no other place I'd rather be......most of the time....I still really miss the south. However, I have a church that is fantastic....they have made me feel much love. When Mark had his surgery that waiting room was full with friends that loved the two of us and knew how hard it was for me. We even had customers come and show their support. I have women that I call on for all sorts of things and you have never met better cooks, better gardeners in your life that will tell you how to can just about everything and cook anything. I have learned much! I can also go to a Target store with my hair in a pony tail and track pants and not feel that I'm totally out of place. I'm very happy with raising my kids here and hope that they become very close to this community. When Mark and I go out for dinner there is never a time that people aren't saying hello.
Despite my love for this town, perfection still haunts me. I'm involved in a Beth Moore study on Esther and one of the questions was "On a scale of 1 to 10 how haunted are you by the pictures of physical perfection that loom nearby?" My response was a seven but before I raised my hands I found that no one talking felt the way that I did. They simply where not caught up by that they were very happy with who they were and I thought to myself "Wow! I really wish I was like that!" I hope that someday I will see myself the way that my perfect Heavenly Fahter sees me but I'm scared that that day might not come. I will keep trying and working and praying that I will see that and that I will be used the way God would like me to be used!