The weather is starting to change and of course I'm wondering if I should change out the clothes already. I keep thinking today is the day and then it turns into seventy degrees so I guess I will just keep wearing shorts and a sweatshirt.
I was looking at the calendar the other day and told my husband I need one more weekend! I need to do a garage sale, we are getting ready for our big fall bash and then our church will be doing our yearly drama. I NEED another weekend! I need more hours in the day I need MORE MORE MORE!!!
I have to have a weekly calendar because the monthly one overwhelmes me and I don't know what I'm doing if I see it all at the same time. My brain does a certain "meltdown" of denial and I just want to go crawl in the covers and forget that I'm a Mom. I keep singing the song to myself lately "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming."
Lately, I've gotten discouraged with always walking around trying to keep everything picked up the kids in line, the house in line, what's breaking now and who broke it and "WHY ARE WE WRITING ON THE DOOR AND THE WALLS WITH THAT MARKER!!!!!!" I keep telling myself that these days are fast and fleeing that someday soon my house will be empty and nice and neat and I will long for the....dirty clippings of nails that someone has left for me on the end table of the family room (how nice they thought of me!) I will miss not sticking to the floor in the kitchen and when I ask "who spilled something?" "NOT ME, not me, it certainly wasn't me!"
Lately, I find myself more melancholy. As my son was driving me crazy in homeschooling the other day I realized that he was halfway through his time with me. Only seven more years and he's on his way. Ellianna is already taking ballet and cubbies at church...its going so fast!
This week a police officer was killed in our town. An accidental shooting during training. My husband said that he was in our store recently and was talking about his little girl and how proud he was of her and then just like that.....he's gone.
It made me think back to my tragedy. How the sun didn't shine as bright, how the world stopped. How I wanted to stop everyone on the street and say "DO you know what I lost? Do you know how sad I am?" I thought of this mother, this wife and her heartache and the long road of grief and I just keep thinking...this life is so hard, this life is soo fast and so quickly gone but thank heavens this is not our home! This is not the end! Heaven is my final home and there are days I wish we could all be there and just worship at His feet and see all the ones that we have missed and just SLOW DOWN!!!!
Wow! Can you imagine worshipping THE KING forever?? For eternity? It will be awesome!