Today was a beautiful sunny day. Started off well. The alarm went off and then....well it went kinda off track after that. Today I decided that I was going to get up 30 minutes early than I do normally. I was very excited about this adventure and then I would work my way up to rising a full hour before that. I had BIG dreams! To those of you who awake singing I'm so glad for you. To those of you who your family has your shower running and coffee ready when you get out I salute you because THAT is exactly the kind of woman I am sister and I have NEVER been a morning person (ask my college friends) I once was responsible for turning off our freshman roommates alarm clock when her snooze went off FOUR times! I unplugged the darn thing and yes she was LATE for class but I was NOT about to listen to her alarm go off again and again!
So...... my husband was still using the bathroom so that got me off track and then today was ballet and Ellianna's nose is running like crazy because of the wonderful allergies that we are dealing with and of course this is making her cranky. We just finished her day of preschool and it was a discouraging whiny day. She didn't want to do anything but CUT CUT CUT and then she didn't want to even do that (I'm sure you mothers understand) and for Trey's chemistry experiment someone drank the last bottle of pop so there is nothing to do his experiment with...not to mention that Ellianna wet the bed twice (once for nap and this morning) so I have laundry out the you know what AND I have a ton of cleaning, cooking today. We have a big fall party coming up we have it every year and this is our fifth one. Its always a great time but the work that goes into it my family doesn't even understand! I have grand ideas for this one and I have about six lists going in my kitchen of things that need to be done by Saturday. Plus I also need a new bigger kitchen table, furniture for the music room, new patio furniture for under the gazebo and while I'm at it I think I need to lose at least 15 lbs really fast! So, any hopes that new furniture and a radical change in appearance is going to happen by Saturday? NOT A CHANCE!!! I will be happy if today I'm able to teach piano to three and get Trey through school and still put a meal on the table.
Why do we hold ourselves to such high expectations as home school Moms and as Moms period? Why do I feel that since I had a goal of getting up and my husband DARED to be in the bathroom at that time that I've already failed for the day? Why do I feel that since Ellie doesn't seem to be "getting" counting and coloring and all the wonderful things you teach your children that I'm not teaching her well enough that I've failed as a mother and that I'm a horrible teacher even though yesterday was PERFECT! She got it, we screamed we shouted we did the happy dance! Why can I go back so quickly to being discouraged? Why do I stress myself about having parties and people and what they are going to THINK if.....my music room isn't furnished like a page out of Nell Hill? Why do I get so discouraged at why my house isn't this or this or I don't look like this or this or my kids don't get this or this....
Yesterday I met with three homeschool Mom's during our enrichment classes for our kids and they are.....well....they are amazing Mothers. One of these Moms was talking about a trip to DC that she had just taken with her family and her two sons and how close they had become and how that it all tied in with their studies and studying american history and how she encouraged me to continue on and...well...there was so much information and encouragement in those three ladies that if I could squeeze them I'm sure that you would just be amazed at the goodness that lay before you! They were simply that sweet, and that amazing! So, here I was encouraged and ready to continue on and you know what Satan whispered in my ear? "You aren't like them....look at these women...what ever would make you think that you could ever be like them." and today I'm shouting back..."No, I'm not like that them but I refuse to be discouraged with the things in my life that I cannot change...and I refuse to give up on the things that I can." With God's help I will be the Godly woman He wants me to be and no longer compare myself, my home, my children to anyone but God.
Right now my biggest challenge is the day to day doldrums...not the BIG things in life. I'm convinced that the big things in life are easier to get through then the little things called life. I'm sure that the path He chooses for us is not always about the large valleys or the big mountaintops but about the daily path the daily life....FAITHFULNESS in the little things.
I pray that I will look at each day as a new day with lessons in it to learn and overcome NOT as a day full of failures! May His name be praised!