Saturday, September 18, 2010
When In Clown
This morning I awoke with a "Grrr attitude" I had a lot to accomplish and just really wanted to get all of it done. I had a mental checklist going from the moment I woke up! Let's do this and this and this and this! Now "let's go!" Even now as I write this I'm still in this mindset!
First, Trey had soccer pictures with his team and his soccer game. I and ten other parents were able to be there at the right time but there was one....you know how that goes. The coach was even annoyed because the boys weren't able to practice at all before the game. Inside I was like "too bad for you, there will be NO picture for you!" but I'm not in charge so I just stood there chewing my gum annoyed like the other parents. So I instead told my son goodbye as I went off to get ready for clowning already making arrangements with the coach and making sure that his father knew when to come and get him.
SOO, there I was on my way home trying to get there as fast as I could so that I could go clown for some children who have cancer and get this day going. GREAT attitude wouldn't you say??? Of course EVERYONE on the road was taking their SWEET time looking at the signs on the road and inside I'm screaming "It's just a GAS STATION SERIOUSLY!!!!" Finally home, getting ready for clowning o.k. DONE!!! Then my trusty sidekick shows up and off we go in the van and of course my son helped me load the van and I said to him "Are you sure that that is everything?" Normally I check but of course today I didn't. As I'm walking at the door I start barking at my children because Trey is talking nonstop, Ellie is whining and I'm trying to get out the DOOR PEOPLE!!!! So, I stop and say "I can't be yelling at you when I'm in clown so please cooperate with me!" Off we go to the church for the event and as we go we get honked at, stared at and of course we can't have a reaction that is negative even though after awhile you want to because again I'm in "clown" and can you imagine seeing a clown go off on somebody? Talk about a bad impression! So, after getting to the church and getting everything set up guess what I realized? You guessed it, my dear beloved boy had left a very important bag including my face painting stencils, etc. So, I once again got in the van, drove across town, got my bag, drove back all the while being stared at, honked at, laughed at...again I realize this is normal but today I was in NO MOOD! The whole time I kept saying to myself..."your in clown, just smile."
Then it occurred to me after the event today and by the way we didn't have a huge crowd for Camp Quality but we did make some great new friends and now we have actually been invited by the director to the Camp itself so we made some great contacts! They even took pictures of Bubbles and I doing the giant slide which they said would probably be in their publications??? Wouldn't that be hilarious?ANYWAY.....as I was saying...
It occurred to me how that I reacted being in "clown" I thought to myself...if this is how I'm supposed to act when being a clown then why is it so hard for me and others to act the right way when we have the holy spirit living within us? Here I am a dressed up character but how many times with my fish on my car do I yell at people who can't seem to drive the way I see fit, or yell at my kids because they do something stupid, or get mad at my friends because they are not doing what I think they should? How often do others look at me and say "she's a christian?"
This day didn't go as planned. I missed my son's soccer game because I made a prior important commitment I missed a birthday party of a very special boy because of things that were out of my control but the saddest part for me was I seem to be a better "clown" than a christian. My heart was saddened that at the age of..um... thirty six that I still haven't learned to control my temper better than I do...I'm so glad that we serve a God who loves us despite ourselves and even though I fail constantly I know that I'm still a work in progress and I'm made in his Image. Thank you Father for loving me and guiding me may I be sensitive to His leading always and keep my attitude in check, check, check!