For some of you who are stepmothers this is a club that you probably thought you would never be in. I know that in my upbringing this was certainly something that I never dreamed would be a part of my reality.
So, if you have read this far and are still reading its probably because you are interested in what I have to say and NOT in judging me (at least that's what I hope).
I have been blessed with two stepdaughters. In the beginning it was rough and I mean rough. Elisha is the oldest and is now sixteen and I believe that we are very close now but in the beginning she was the tough shell to crack. She is stubborn, smart, and very disorganized. She hates it when people make her cry and she doesn't ever want to disappoint my husband or myself. She loves God and walks very close to Him. She puts me to shame when I look at her. She is messy, she is stubborn, she is forgetful but I love her as my own daughter.
Sarah is my youngest stepdaughter. Sarah was seven when I married her Daddy and she accepted me with wide open arms (I mean WIDE!!!!!) She is the one who taught my son Trey how to get dirty. She was a CRAZY kid and made me laugh so hard. She has the weirdest ways of doing things but I do love her. She is the whole and complete reason that a Miss Dot exists. It is Sarah who encouraged me to be silly. I didn't want to be silly, I didn't want to laugh and Sarah MADE me. No, she really did. She came up with the fattest clown costume and big shoes and wig you have ever seen and MADE me be silly for a fall party and ever since then I have been HOOKED on clowning. So, if you like Miss Dot give Sarah a pat on the back because its all HER!!!
Blending families is hard...in the beginning I didn't think we would make it. WE were five individuals nursing hurts from others that caused US pain. We didn't do anything to deserve them we were just the "victims" of what was now our reality and we were "put" together and what we have now is a really great blended family (Most of the time!)
Elisha knows what she wants in life and has very big plans. I have no doubt that she will do well in this life and bless many peoples lives. She and Trey are very close because they are very much the same mindset. The only exception being that one TALKS WAY more than the other (bet you can't guess who that is!) Sarah....my dear Sarah. Sarah is my...well...Sarah walks to the beat of a different drum but lately seems to be understanding of what life may hand her if she doesn't get on board soon. Sarah hates loud things, she hates confrontation and will run far away to make it stop. She loves to draw but hardly ever does, love to write but you practically have to snatch it our of her hand and when you do.....well....its really good! She's quiet and I miss that silly girl who would laugh and scream and run all over the place when she was little but that's "so not cool" now.
I wish that I could have seen them grow up and put bows in their hair. We have silly stories of Sarah when I first started dating Mark and how she would come to church with her hair lopsided boasting that "I did it myself" Inside I was screaming "SOMEONE PLEASE give me a hairbrush NOW!" but I just stood there and smiled "Yes, I see that you did!" Now walk back here so no one thinks your with us....I DIDN'T REALLY SAY THAT!!! (thought it, didn't say it though!!!!)
I know that someday when they get married I won't be the one in the front of the church standing first. I know that when they graduate highschool I won't be the one having the big party and I know that someday if they decide to have babies my place will be on the side of the room until they ask me to hold their precious bundle of joy and I have to say that my heart hurts a little because of that but I know that they have their Mom who gave birth to them and that's her place and that's o.k.
I have rocked them when they cried at night for things that made me angry because it wasn't their fault (they may not even remember them). I have sat there and wiped their tears when they told me things that made them mad that I couldn't change and I have laughed with them about silly stories from school but my role as a stepmother what is it really? I hope that I have been the kind of woman that they know walks with God. Even though I know that my attitude when this house is messy is....well....less than Christlike and I'm sure that I've yelled at them and said things that i shouldn't have said. My role though...what is it? Well, its different from Mom...its kinda both...somedays when their Mom isn't here and they need one I'm their Mom....other days I take on the role of Aunt I guess but whatever my role is this day this very day I will try to be a woman that they know they can always come home to...tell their hurts, their dreams and yell about their frustrations and if I'm privileged enough to be allowed in their club of being included in "Mom only" activities than I will take them as they come and thank God for that privilege and when its time for me to step aside....I will pray for the right heart to do that to. I don't ever want them to feel that they have to spare my feelings. I want them to have the freedom of choosing who they want to choose and not worrying about whose feelings they are hurting. I'll be o.k........just hand me the chocolates.....I'll be the one eating the fistful of them and better hand me the tissues to because I'll be wiping my eyes with the tissues. They are close to spreading their wings and flying away from our nest and even though I didn't give birth to them my heart will break just the same when they leave.
What a privilege to be a stepmother!