Today was enrichment classes and as always I'm always amazed and encouraged by the women who surround me. Today was no exemption to that. We were discussing time management and how that sometimes we as home school Mom's get carried away in comparing ourselves to each other and thinking that we have to overcompensate our children and do absolutely EVERYTHING on the activity calendar with sports, music you name it! It was refreshing to hear all the wisdom that was given and to voice our concerns and our fears. I was also feeling very guilty for NOT putting Trey in certain activities that perhaps I should have started sooner (like soccer) and I feel that now I might be pushing Ellianna to much(just took her out of ballet because she's not ready, but on the advice of the teacher put her in gymnastics) Feeling scared that I push to much and sometimes not enough. Afraid that I will be a Mom that is in the car constantly and wondering why I'm so STRESSED. After listening to theses ladies I now know that I HAVE to continue to pray about it and listen to my kids about what they really enjoy and what they can learn from rather than pushing them to be involved and be the best in EVERYTHING I can think of. I can say that I have started saying no but after listening to these ladies I now feel much better about it. It's so wonderful to see that others struggle with what I do!
Still, as easy as this is to accept I must transfer it from my head to my heart which is no easy task. I must confess for three days now I have had three chores that I have left undone....I know sigh...gasp....seriously? Yep! and some of you who think how awful that is I'm pretty proud of myself. Yep! I have left those bathrooms go unclean for four days!!! yep yep yep! AND I haven't got my wood floor cleaner out in four days to clean my two flights of wood stairs AND I have gone two days without cleaning my kitchen floor! YES, I just admitted this at a public setting where now everyone knows that the Segrist house is NOT spotless! As much as you might be appalled at my confession please understand what a TRULY REMARKABLE feat this has been for me. You see, I have decided that my children are more important, that school and really ENJOYING school is more important and plus this week we have had doctor's appointments and interruption that has caused me to have to let some "cleaning" duties go. To most women this might not be a difficulty at all.....I call you "well balanced". For me, however, a recovering OCD, perfectionist, NEAT freak this is a BIG deal and voicing it in a public forum even bigger. I'm learning that if your house isn't spotless it doesn't make you a bad housekeeper or person it just means that you have learned to prioritize and right now school is the most important and the house will get clean sometime this week that's for sure.
However, lest you think I'm bragging I know how far I have to go. I keep telling myself everyday why isn't this weight falling off faster?? HEllOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Just because you drink a million gallons of water each day but don't exercise don't think the weight is going to slide out of my belly button! SERIOUSLY! I need to get up and get moving for even just 20 minutes NO excuses get moving. I know that in order to be effective as a homeschool Mom I must manage not only my kids activites but my personal time as well. If I'm constantly giving and not taking time to take care of myself then there will be no energy to take care of my children, my home and my husband. I must make a commitment to do things for myself to increase my energy and make me feel better.
It's so easy to roll in self pity and to make myself feel that I have failed and I have not done what I should have done. I was looking at all these little kids tonight playing soccer and I thought I should have started Trey sooner, why didn't I? Then as he got in the car he was very upset with the way practice had gone and some of the other boys making fun of him for not getting an easy shot and inside I was the one that was feeling bad. "Oh if only I had started him in soccer earlier like he wanted than he wouldn't be feeling this way." That's so ridiculous I can't even believe I wrote it just now! However, I do it all the time and I'm pretty sure you all do to. To me this is when the biggest lessons can be learned. Teaching Trey to work hard at something and come out on top or knowing how far you've come but you didn't get there easily it took a lot of HARD work but I find myself feeling guilty that he has to learn that lesson but imagine if he was an adult and still hadn't learned it what then? I find that overcoming my battles are so important not only for me but for those little eyes that are watching. I can't tell him to work hard at soccer and not complain if I'm constantly talking about how much weight I want to lose and that I never have time to do that and that I'm sorry I started him late and on and on the excuses go. However, I'm pretty sure that he will catch up next year and I'm pretty sure that he won't be thirty talking about how awful his mother was that she didn't start him in soccer until he was ten.
So, tomorrow I do have on my checklist things to get clean and school and calls to make but most of all am I going to continue to beat myself up for the things I didn't do and continue to put off the things I can do?
Stay tuned sisters I have a feeling this will be a LONG battle!