I have to confess my mind is weary. My soul needs soothing. Today I have wanted to hear God's word, God's music...and every time I sit down to BE STILL someone little comes in RIGHT when I'm getting ready to BE STILL. I had to think after a moment or so that someone didn't want me to get a chance to BE STILL. So, right now when I should be sleeping I am trying to be still.
Ever think that you have dealt with a problem and then as soon as you have HERE IT COMES again! These past three months have helped me to take care of some things that aren't pretty and I don't like to think about it. Some of you know my history, some of you wish you didn't know as much as you do but in knowing me you get to have the whole ENCHILADA so to speak!
Lately, I've had to deal with my past not because I've wanted to but because it is being PUSHED in my face and I have to confront it. Doesn't mean I have to be enraged by it or play into it in a negative way. Just means that I have to deal with it, and MOVE on. Unfortunately, this involved something that I have put off for years because I didn't want to hurt my son. Under Godly counsel from our Pastor my husband and I were told that Trey needed to know the whole story of his life and this meant that there would be a very uncomfortable conversation. I didn't want to have it and I have put it off for two months. To tell your son something unpleasant and to see him cry as he found out that those that once in his life did things that they shouldn't have done brought up several emotions in me...anger...was the biggest one....why did I have to be the one that did this? I didn't do the sin, but here I am paying for it once again? Something about this seems very....UNFAIR! After I was working through these emotions I was able (with the help of my husband) teach Trey a lesson not many kids his age have to endure.....We are trying to teach him that it is o.k. to be angry at the sin...but you can't STAY there and that seems to be the hardest lesson to learn. You should be angry at sin but then you must learn to forgive...doesn't mean you forget necessarily but you move on, you don't bring it up every chance you get....you don't stay there at the bottom of the cross. In my mind I picture me doing this..."Ok God here you go!" bend over pick it up, hold it, look at it, hold it some more, get angry about it....hold it some more....THEN after I'm all angry at it, have yelled at every one then I decide to put it down for a little while. Does anyone else do this???
The truth is this...my husband Ron sinned....lest we all feel to high and mighty we all do. Unfortunately, sin lead to a family being destroyed and a little boy lost his biological father forever but the story doesn't end there it just doesn't. God gave Trey a father on this earth who in the last two days has given more wisdom to my son then I ever could. Trey looked at me today and said "No offense Mom but Dad was really comforting to me after you talked last night kinda more than you, you know!" I had to smile because when you have to go back and tell all that yucky stuff I was kind of .....well...out of it. Thank heavens for a husband that saw some opportunities and took them. Most of all I thank my Heavenly Father who even through a situation that I saw no possibility for hope, peace, or love and He has changed all of our lives for the better. Ron is in heaven, his sin is forgiven and we can go on living with this knowledge, we are no longer in bondage.
"Hear the good news, you've been invited no matter what others may say, your darkest sins will be forgiven, you will always have a place.
At the table of grace, the cups never empty the plates always full and its never to late to come and be filled with love never ending your always welcome at the table of grace." Phillips Craig and Dean
Did you hear that? No matter what you've done, no matter what! There's always room for you! GRACE girls GRACE! Do you feel it? Do you know it?
Believe it! Know it! Now LIVE it! "your always welcome at the table of grace!"