Monday, October 4, 2010
Today is the Day to DEAL!!!!
Ever have a problem that you know that you have to fix like right away and you keep putting it off? We live in an old home and the drain downstairs every time I would do the wash would overflow and I would have a small river running around my washing machine. I dealt with this for months! It became a little balancing act between the freezer and the wash as I would go downstairs for various things to see if I could manage to keep my slippers dry. AFTER I called the "drain man" which by the way took him maybe FIVE minutes to fix I can gladly say no more rivers!
Today was such a day but instead of that "something" being an object it was my beloved son. For weeks he has been out of sorts. I've been reading :Boundaries for Kids and applying those principles (sorta) and Don't Make me count to three! These are both great books and I have gained great wisdom but the problem is.....I HATE to take away something really big! Today, everything was going well...he was going along with school, day was going great THEN I decided to change things for a moment, a task needed to get done RIGHT then and you would have thought I asked him to go plow the backyard with a fork! He got snotty with me, argumentative, snippy, and downright rude! I was completely taken back! I sputtered and must have looked surprised as I stammered..."EXCUSE ME?" He seemed completely unfazed and continued talking to me as if I was no one important and he could sass me however he wanted because to him the whole idea was ridiculous that I would ask him to do something that I needed done when he was in the middle of something else. Long story short....his attitude is in check and he had to lose a very special boyscout event this evening (killed me to do it) and Monday night football (which is like the worst thing for him). I knew that I had to fix this right then I couldn't delay any longer. His character needed shaping and what was terrifying to me is that he didn't even realize it. I have been talking to other mothers about this problem with Trey. He can argue with you about the dumbest things for the longest time. I would compare him to a dog holding on to his chew toy for all he's worth no matter how much an owner would plead and reason that dog won't give it up.....that would be my Trey. I am trying so hard to show him that his life will be so hard if he continues but I remember.....
It wasn't so horribly long ago (doesn't seem that long ago) that there was a skinny, short tempered, long blonde hair, blue eyed ,freckle face kid that had the same problems only a bit different. I wasn't as smart as Trey is, so that made my tongue become very sharp. I learned early to cut people quickly so that they would leave me alone. As a child I made friends easily and was very loyal, as a teen especially in middle school I was hot tempered and well....not very nice. As a college age young person I finally got it figured out (sorta) and NOW......TADA! I'm.....well, I'm better! The point is, I know the rocky road I walked and trying so hard to prevent him from going down the same road and I'm waving the flag and he's still going and I'm cheering and he's still going! THE WRONG WAY!!!
I take to heart more than most Mom's about their children's path. I have worried about him from the time his biological father passed away. I have heard all the ministers saying "When the biological fathers are not present these children suffer." I kept thinking....this can't be? Isn't God a father to the fatherless? You can't tell me that all the boys that have lost their fathers are going to grow up horrible people that can't be??? I know that these ministers have the best intentions but I have to fervently disagree that because my son grew up without his biological father that something will be wrong with him. He is loved, he has a Dad that plays soccer, runs with him, talks with him, watches football with him and they are getting closer and some people we meet don't even know that Mark isn't his own biological father so why do I make such a big deal out of days like today? Why do I worry that he's going to grow up and have no friends, and no wife and no one will like him and he'll live all alone? All I can do is continue to pray that God will shine the light on the areas of his life that need improvement and that I will be the kind of parent that continues to deal out discipline to "show" him the way and that God will give me the strength to "deal" with him the way I need to even though it feels sooooooo very horrible and wrong to do.
I lay awake with worry, hoping and praying for God to change his heart and I see improvement and I'm so hoping and praying that he will see how his actions affect others and how to care for other people.