I am sitting down right now in the middle of the afternoon. Guilt is filling my very soul as I sit here. We got done early with school and I had some projects that went rather smoothly and are done. Trey and Ellie are watching a movie upstairs and I decided to sit down for awhile. Why I feel guilty I don't know but I do. My list has two things not yet checked off and I am truly working hard on sitting in this chair ALLOWING myself to stay put.
Today I got a magazine in the mail that I subscribe to. It's call The Cross and the Clown. Some may think it weird that I get this and I find myself wondering what our mailman thinks....after all he delievers clown supplies and homeschool supplies and things from Victorian Trading company? Just how many interests can one woman have??? ANYWAY, as I got out my magazine I looked at the front cover and it had the large TNT christian clown conference picture where you really can get a degree in clown arts. I have desired for so long to go to this but time or money have not been allowed to make this a reality.
Have you ever desired to do something so bad but something keeps holding you back? I feel that in my heart clowning is something that I KNOW God can use me with and has but I'm so terrified to go to a place where there are professionals all around me...how embarrassing to say when I got home that I couldn't even get a degree in clowning. THEN I got upset at myself for letting Satan once again win this battle before I had even gone out and done it!
I love doing it, I get a blessing each time I do it. Each time I decide to let myself go and to reach deep inside and grab that part of me that just doesn't care what others will think of me....very hard to do if you are a bit of a perfectionist...but again....that's what makes you a good clown...taking the imperfect and making it FUNNY!
About a month ago I clowned and have had some opportunities come up since then but like everyone I'm busy..I homeschool two, teach piano to three, do billing and payroll for the business, and then there is the laundry, cooking, bill paying ways that I must do so having the excuse that I'm to busy really does apply. However, I have noticed when I don't do it for awhile I kind of get in a bit of a....well....a bit of a bad attitude. I find myself not having the same outlook on life that I should. I find myself being more judgmental of others, not able to roll with the punches as much, just round about not being the best "me" I could ever be.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is this year I'm really going to make an effort to push past my perfectionism and worrying about what others think of me and try to be...well....I guess the best Miss Dot I can be!
So, I suppose that what I'm saying is some day I want to be a real live clown! There I said it....now, what's your crazy dream? I know I can't be the ONLY one...o.k. maybe the only clown but....I bet NOT!!!!!!