About Me

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Saint Joseph, MO, United States
I'm a stay at home Mom of two children and I have the unique privilege of being able to homeschool both of them. I am a stepmother to two older daughters one who is going to college. I enjoy shopping, baking, cooking, cleaning, organizing, running, clowning, making soap, playing piano and lately painting with ASCP paint! I am learning to enjoy the little things in life and make the most of it...clinging to my Savior through the tears that life brings and enjoying his GRACE He gives us every day! Thanks for stopping by!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The best laid plains???


For some people getting away as a couple is an easy thing. They have tons of people who will watch their kids and they have tons of weekends when it is possible to do. When my husband and I get away its like an amazing feat. We have his two daughters who are 14yrs and 16 yrs and we have to make plans for when they are not with us and make sure that there is nothing going on at church, or school functions etc. It takes a lot of planning and people to make it work.

Celebrating our seven year anniversary this past weekend was one of those difficult things to do. We spend a long time finding out places to stay, my husband is very much a romantic and he spends a great deal of time planning out each event.

This past Thursday night I sent a little girl to bed with watery eyes which in my Mother's heart sent off an alarm. I was awakened at 3am to a "barking seal" and even though my Ellie doesn't have asthma the doctor has informed us that using a nebulizer will help clear her airway and that is better than putting her in a shower. As all of you know that use albuterol for your little ones it makes them quite a bit hyper so I got to watch the sun come up with my Ellie who then finally went to sleep. Normally this would not be to big of a deal except for one this day we were to go on our "getaway" and there was even pancakes being prepared for her and Trey at the babysitters. WE sent her to the sitters house who thought it was no big deal (don't think I would have been that gracious) and then we called the doctor who could see her around 2pm. Three hours later (now mind you we were supposed to be out of town hours ago) we are finally headed down the road to glorious, "quiet" Weston. AHHHHHHHHHH! I'm picturing quiet restaurants, cute shops and my glorious bed and breakfast.

We arrive in Weston, check into our lovely B&B and proceed to walk around the quiet town and walk up the hill to the lovely and oh so quaint restaurant. We walk in and find it to be quite full. She informs us that she only has two tables left due to the "wine dinner" they are having. WE have heard that this restaurant is divine and the table in the corner looked quite inviting. As soon as we sat down I could hear the loud diners but ever the positive one (ha ha ha) I tried to think that surely since we were in there that they would try to be quieter? NOPE!! that wasn't the case! These people were so loud that I had to literally shout at my husband so that he could hear anything. We started talking about what they were talking about because they were so loud we couldn't even seem to be able to think clearly to come up with a conversation of our own. It was insane. Our meal itself was fantastic but my head was splitting and I was ready to LEAVE and to leave now!!!! So, we paid quickly and left and walked down the hill so glad that the "rude, loud people" that had pretty much ruined our dinner were back at the restaurant. WE looked at all the lovely stores we would go to the next day and decided to walk back to our B&B and sit in the gardens. As we rounded the corner we "heard" the rude people that we had just left in the restaurant and felt sorry for the people that would be staying at the same place as them. We started walking back and realized that they were staying at the same place that we were! My husband didn't want to believe me he was shocked that loud people like that would even WANT to go to a B&B. WE quickly went to our rooms and they were right above us (they had BOTH rooms) and were running up and down the stairs yelling for each other to come look at each others toilets (it was actually quite laughable) My husband and I realized then and there we couldn't stay there and we picked up our bags and decided to load the car and then after we would go speak to the owner. WE did just that and as we were talking/apologizing to the owner two of the youngest members of the party decided to stand and listen to what I was saying on their balcony. The poor owner was distraught and as we left of course gave us a refund and then we were yelled at by the "lovely" ladies standing on the balcony listening to us. Saying things like"maybe you should come over here and talk to us if you have a problem!" Yes, I'm sure that that would have ended quite well don't you???

The drive home my husband was quite distraught. He was angry. WE had given up a night with his daughters to go away, we had worked it out with a babysitter who even kept Ellie who was suffering from severe allergies and we had spend so much time trying to find the "perfect" place. He was truly beside himself. We finally got back to our home town and pulled to a quiet street to take a walk since hopefully that would calm him and he pulls out the white lighted box. Since we own a jewelry store I recognize our boxes and what type of jewelry is in every single box and this I knew was a ring box but he had just said that we would be frugal (that wasn't frugal!) He produced a lovely chocolate diamond ring and put it on my finger and then told me how that he had had that planned completely differently in giving that to me and it didn't involve a car or a walking trail. I loved it just the same and enjoyed our walk as I tried to look at my ring (because by now it was dark)

The rest of the weekend had some minor glitches but for the most part was a lovely time of being together. For most people your anniversary is just a little something. For us it is birthday, anniversary, almost christmas rolled into one. Since we own our own business I don't get Saturdays with my husband. WE don't get to take the kids pumpkin picking together (fall is the busiest time of year) and Christmas season we don't really see Daddy until Christmas Eve. That's just how it is when you own your own business so for us anniversaries are a very BIG deal.

Looking back it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. It seems annoying but that's all but to us it seemed like a very HUGE ordeal since last year around the same time we encountered a similar experience. WE were beginning to think that we were cursed. We finally decided that Satan was working very hard to try and ruin our "yearly" getaway. That he is displeased by our home staying together and the two of us staying committed to each other. It seems that so many couple are being attacked in the church and it is hard sometimes to get away and there are things that come up that make it so easy to say "we just can't get away right now" but I would encourage everyone to take time out for just the two of you. To really try to spend time with one another. To "fall in love" again!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

With Smiling Faces!


This morning I woke up for church fifteen minutes late...not a big deal unless you have a FAMILY to get ready for church!!! So, I'm behind, my Ellie wakes up 45 min early AND my husband has to be at church even earlier than 7:30 because he has to practice which gives me two more children to make sure look suitable for church!

SOOOO, here I am with children ranging in age from sixteen to three and only two of the four cooperating, one rolling eyes because after all I said she HAD to eat breakfast and change her clothes. One three year old taking ALL the time in the world and singing as we are TRYING to get out of the house VERY fast!!!!! So, I'm saying GRRRRRRR and we pull up to church along with fifteen million other people who must have had the same kind of morning I DID!!!!

So, we get to church late and we enter our chairs as another family on the other side (who was visiting I might add) and obviously there isn't enough room for ALL of us so I send the teenagers to the teen side and the ten year old off to Kids of the Kingdom Room and then Ellianna is dancing ALL over the place while I'm trying to remain calm and cool and not let anyone know I'm ANNOYED!!!!So then I have to take her to nursery and my husband is playing in the praise band and we are singing the song "Lord, I'm amazed by you" It felt wrong to start singing as horrible as I felt inside. I was annoyed..why in the world did the children have to be so difficult? I hate being LATE I like to get my bearings together before starting into worship and here I am almost done with worship and I'm soooooooo wanting to say "DO OVER!!!" Can I start this day again? Satan was having a TIME with me. In the early morning hours he had gotten me so off track that I couldn't even get my focus right to be able to sing His praises. It was laughable for me to start singing praises, it felt wrong for me to just start singing as if nothing had happened to make my attitude a great big GRRRRRR.

What is so funny to me as I write this is the fact that I truly honestly thought I was fooling God? Like he didn't realize I was having a very bad, no good day and nothing had even happened that was serious like..flat tire, car accident, house broken into.....nothing just little annoyances and I was flat DONE WITH IT ALREADY! Why was it so easy to get me off track?

I decided to push away the Grrrrr thoughts and concentrate on what God was trying to teach me. I had had a very BAD week and I was emotionally spent and spiritually hungry. As I allowed the healing powers of God and His people to flow over me (sounds like I'm insane doesn't it?) I realized how healing being in the house of God with God's people truly is. It was like balm to my soul today. I felt re-energized, reborn, ready to tackle the world again. Frustrated, yes but.....able to keep going, to keep fighting.

Today was our block party and I will have you all know that I did NOT burn ANYTHING that I learned how to make cotton candy quite well and even was told I did quite well (yes I realize that they were encouraging me after my fiasco with....the popcorn...yes, I looked longingly at it today as I realized I should never be allowed to touch it again!!!!) I enjoyed being with my church family....even though it was 114 degrees outside (yes I exaggerate but seriously it was hot) It was exactly what I needed after the week of emotions that I have had. Being in the house of the Lord with His people (I guess we should learn to get along since we will be with each other for eternity).

I also enjoyed NOT being Miss Dot today and being able to enjoy the block party with my Ellianna. It was an extra special blessing to watch her ride ponies, face painting and all the wonderful things that come with childhood. It was a GREAT day!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Can you say I'm forgiven?


Sometimes I look at my life and laugh at how bizarre it is. I wonder what in the world was God thinking when He put me on my journey? How is it possible that this is where I would end up?

This week I've gone through a whole entire world of emotions. I watched my son kneel at his father's grave...now as a young preteen. He has been there many times before as a toddler but watching him sit there and wipe off the grass.....made me think many things. I first was mad that we were there...why did we have to walk this road? Then I was thankful for who we have become, for who God has allowed in our lives to restore us. Of course I know that only God can forgive and restore......so many hurts, so many times I have wanted to grab the microphone and yell "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!!!!" and trust me it would be a VERY interesting story but this week as I begged and I cried and my brain felt like I would go insane. I truly felt I was losing my mind I cried in my sleep to God asking for His comfort, His guidance, His help. Asking Him to show me the way....to show me if I was wrong, to show me what to do, to help me.......

I have asked human hearts for forgiveness and they haven't done it. I have confessed wrongs and it wasn't enough for them. I have begged, cried, and laid it all out, prayed for God to intercede and still NOTHING......I was ashamed thinking that God didn't love me that I didn't pray hard enough that there was something I was missing. How would it be possible that someone could be upset that I was still living? What could I do that would change their minds? It was with God's arms around me and with those who loved me most encouraging me and loving me that I finally understood......it's not my battle anymore......I have done all that I can do. I have said all that I could say with human emotion and tears and begging and I was waiting for the words..."You are forgiven, you are set free" but those words will never come from these human hearts and there is nothing I can ever do ENOUGH to change that.

I have once and for all put it at the foot of the cross. Sometimes in life there are things that happen that are NOT ALL your fault. We all make mistakes, we all fall....but that isn't the end...that is normally where the REAL healing begins. I have for so long had this thought of how wonderful it would be to be SET free from this bondage......this week I realized it will never come from those human hearts...it will only EVER come from a mighty God who FORGIVES and RESTORES and for me that is ENOUGH.

I am a different woman than I was eight years ago....I can only say I'm sorry for the wrongs that I have done in that time but I will not stay there and live in that bondage anymore....I will NOT linger in the fear of God's wrath on me...I will accept that NOT everyone in my life LIKES me...I will even accept that they don't like that I'm alive...but my HEAVENLY FATHER does (and so does my earthly one as a matter of fact) and that is all I need to know.

I will live my life walking in the path of Christ (not perfectly for I am not perfect) but no longer in bondage, no longer feeling guilty for being happy for being restored.....for being ALIVE.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Today I feel like screaming!

Recently I have become annoyed. I think I write that way to often.....I'm annoyed, people are annoying, that driving is annoying, those people are using bad words that's annoying....me writing annoying is ANNOYING!!!!! STOP!!!!!

I know that I have touched on serving in our church many times and for the most part it has been about myself but lately I've been down again and it frustrates me that it seems so easy to discourage me. Why is that?

We had a military carnival at our church a few weeks ago. It was a fun time for all that were there. I enjoyed clowning and stencil facepainting (you see I'm not quite good enough to go free hand). I walked around with balloons and scared one child but for the most part all went well. I even had a lady come up to me that is a frequent customer of ours who recognized my voice but obviously not me and was laughing at my appearance and couldn't believe it was me and as a clown we take that as a GREAT compliment!!!!

Later that evening as my husband was asking me how things went and I told him well and we reached twenty families etc. I began to think of the people that were there helping at the carnival and I realized......it was the same people who seem to always help at lots of events. Why is that? Why is it that the same people seem to serve? Where is the rest of the church? Now I'm not trying to make those that weren't at the military carnival feel bad....I understand that NOT everyone was free that night. My point is why is it that some get the "call" of serving while so many in our churches do not? As I say this please know that I struggle with this myself. I am by no means the perfect example of serving but I truly do want to know why servants in our churches are so hard to find. When I do serve I'm so happy to be with God's people doing what God commanded us to do that I wonder why in heavens name I took so long to do it in the first place.

I have made the same excuses that everyone makes: too tired, no one to watch my Ellianna, why do I always have to be the one? I'm not very good at this and then of course there is the "Eyeore" complex "Probably no one will notice if I do it or not, probably just mess it up?" Trust me, no one could have made a bigger stink that I did with burnt popcorn when I said that I would help make popcorn for the church block party (just so you know this year they put me with cotton candy, I'll let you know how that turns out!)

In saying all this I become frustrated again but realizing that it wasn't so long ago that I was the one just sitting on the pew not willing to serve, not willing to do anything. I had hurt feelings and almost felt that people "owed" me and until my "appreciated bank" was filled I was not going to do anything for the church. I was there and that was enough and hard enough for me to do.

It is so easy to not put yourself out there, to not try and make connections with people. I have come back from church functions very discouraged, wondering why the "Segrist" family is never good enough, never measure up (this is all in my head of course, why no one ever saves me a seat at ladies functions (how many people do I save a seat for?) but that is when Satan does his best work. Takes a small something and blows it up in your head to keep you away from God's people and God's work.

I'm not trying to preach at anyone just telling you what is on my heart. I'm busy, your busy, we all are insanely busy but we as a body of believers must come together to serve our fellow church members and our community.

I have had people say to me "well its just not fun to do that." Your right, changing dirty diapers in nursery is not on my favorite things to do list, clowning is way more fun but clowning take work and effort, singing in church takes practice and time, preparing sunday school lessons takes energy and organization but imagine if no one did these things! Imagine if everyone had the attitude of "let someone else who is more qualified do it!"

Every Sunday for the past year God has been working on my heart to play a piano solo for church. My excuse..."It's to formal for our church,I've done my time growing up playing piano in church, what if I mess up?" These are all GREAT excuses but seriously they are STILL just excuses.

No matter how busy I am, no matter how insanely busy life becomes may I always be willing to serve and may others in our church and your church be willing to serve one another and with one another because that is when we will truly grow in Christ. Building each other up and building strong lines of accountability as we walk together down the road of life. May the Lord be praised!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Fear

I didn't always think that I was someone who was easily scared. I don't like scary stories or movies. For the most part I felt that I lived life to the best of my ability. Tried to do what was right and encourage others but surely I wasn't really controlled by fear?

However, life changes you and wow did it ever change me!

Some people are scared of spiders ( I was the girl that always killed them while my friends stood on chairs screaming at camp!) However, put a snake or a mouse in the room and I'm totally on top of the table screaming at the top of my lungs also (my husband will tell you that). Like many of you my parents would say "oh, your way scarier to that little bitty mouse than they are to us!" "Oh really", I always wanted to say" but what if it ran up your leg or what if it"...you get the picture.

I have recently blamed my ongoing fear with things that have happened in my life on that one moment that occurred eight years but I believe before tragedy found me I was still very much that way. I would become so overcome with it that when I would hear sirens and someone was supposed to be home I would immediately think the worst! My mind would go to horrible places and I would be planning what I would say, what would happen. I would start crying about something that hadn't even happened creating this whole horrible scene in my mind about an event that ceased to exist. THEN, I would race to my phone to call whoever it was that wasn't home yet and make sure that they would be fine. I have even very recently when letting my daughter go to my parent's house called them very late to make sure that they had locked their doors since Ellianna had learned how to open doors and my fear was that she would try to get into the pool. In saying that now my mind is struggling not to go there again! What in the world would make me continually think the worst is about to happen?

WE live in the city and our home is a hundred years old. I love old homes. I love the squeaky floors, the leaded glass, the three floors, the high ceilings, the amazing light fixtures, the horrible windows, the dark basement where I do laundry, the amazing front porch. I LOVE it all. I love the character of the pillars throughout my house. I don't even mind how close my neighbors are. To me my house is ideal, I love it! Our neighborhood is fairly quiet we live on a busy street but not to insane, we have one interesting neighbor but other than that everyone keeps to themselves and we all seem to get along fairly well. About a month ago my neighbor found a very disturbing scene in our alley and since that day I have had this huge fear. When the detective came around that day to speak with all of us I was practically interrogating him wanting to know if there was cause for concern in our neighborhood. Was a gang moving in, was this caused by drugs, why did it happen in our neighborhood, should I never allow my children to go outside, should I build a huge fence around my home with barbed wire? I know your laughing but I really did ask those questions (ok not the one about the barbed wire) We don't have a security system but now I wanted one, now I had to have one and I have talked to my husband frequently about NOW getting one. I lay awake now listening for a squeak, a bark from our dog ANYTHING! I can't sleep for a long time making sure we are all safe before I go off to bed. It's ridiculous isn't it?

I constantly have to remind myself and speak it out loud "God has not given us a spirit of fear" I have to say it constantly, I have to tell myself that God wants the absolute best for me. He watches over my family, He protects me and my family and NOTHING slips through His hands absolutely NOTHING that He is surprised by. AT times this concept doesn't get through to me. I at times think of God and think of Him as punishing me. Waiting up in heaven to really let me have it again after I've done something bad. I have had to totally take a completely different look at God and how He views me as His child.

I think its amazing that we as christians can accept that our Savior will forgive us of all our horrible deeds and give us an amazing place in heaven when we die but as we live on this earth we cannot live in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and how much that He truly loves us. I find it amazing that I can comprehend that He died on the cross for my sins but cannot even begin to understand that He knows the plans for my life and wants the absolute best for me and that when trials come I'm not being punished for being bad but because there is a lesson for me to learn. The hard part in that is being willing to learn. I sometimes want to say "Thanks God, I'm good for now no more lessons need to be learned here!"

I pray that I will soon be able to learn to really understand that. I can't even imagine the freedom that I would feel. To do things that He has asked me to without fear! To not care if people raised their eyebrow because I have a red nose on and absolutely loved being with little kids and telling them about Jesus. To allow my children to follow Him where they feel led even if its far away from me? To not think the worst when I hear a siren? To not become completely depressed after watching the news? To really allow God to have first place in my life to give Him the controls and NOT take them back? Is that even possible? I pray that I will learn to live in the knowledge that God is and God will forever be and His will for me is NOT always pain and trials and my life should not always be led by FEAR! Oh that is my prayer oh I hope I learn it this side of heaven!

I want to be the kind of wife, mother, step-mother, friend, clown, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin that always points people to Christ no matter what the struggle. Instead of yelling at God when things go wrong and asking Him why I want to say "what do you want to teach me?" In writing those words I'm scared now of the consequences! Crazy as I write that that I'm already in fear of the unknown. Already struggling with giving God the controls. Truly hoping and praying that someday I will "get it". Until then, I remain ever changed by His love and GRACE and praying that I will release the controls and get out of the pilot seat and allow Him to lead always! May His name be praised!