I have had LOTS of feedback from my Useless? article. May I just humbly say at this point that I am greatly overwhelmed and honored to be used in a way that brings comfort to you all who have suffered greatly in the same way that I have.
For so long there was no one who understood my pain....that had no idea how to grasp what I had been through. I felt that I suffered ALONE...of course that isn't true. Our Savior was always walking with me...and did I ever suffer like HE did??? Of course not...but that's how I felt at the time.
I didn't want to start this blog...I wanted to be silent....but I knew that I could not longer be quiet. My goal wasn't to paint people in a bad light and put the complete blame on others...but to show you my true heart....that I am sorry for my faults but at the same time....I suffered greatly for his sin....and still at times suffer. It's difficult to dream about a man that I used to be married to that no longer walks this earth. I still sometimes think I see him in public....just call the "crazy police". AND people will always give me the raised eyebrow when asking how long my husband Mark and I have been married and how old is Trey?
Some of you know this but I just want to share quickly some really "neat" things that are "God things". First of all my daughter Ellianna and son Trey look VERY much alike...so much so that people that know the situation tell me how they can't get over it. My Trey is tall just like his Daddy Mark.....we smile when people tell us how much he looks like Mark...they don't know and we don't correct....may I also say that my oldest stepdaughters LOVE and adore Ellianna. So much so that they ask to give her baths and if she can have a sleepover in their room....that is not because we are amazing parents...its a God thing...and we know it!
There are not to many husband that understand when you wake up and say you had a bad dream and know what that means and still hug and kiss you....it happens twice a year...around his birthday in May and his homegoing in August. Not many husbands understand when you have to make a stop at a graveyard on certain times of the year...and lets you get out and cry and really doesn't let it affect them.
For those of you who have felt my pain...I'm so sorry that you have.....but I'm so glad that you shared that story with me...little ol me....its nice to know that others understand and have come out on the other side...God is good.....ALL the time!
May His name be praised!