Allow me to babble my dears. I have greatly enjoyed hearing all your wonderful feedback and it is so great to hear the encouragement I have been receiving because of those recent posts. It helps me...it builds me up...makes me want to do better.
I have been blogging since July and when I first began it was because I very much felt led to do so. I felt that there were people who could relate to what I was saying and that could be encouraged by my trials. I was right, and the response was overwhelming. I still hear Satan whisper in my ear constantly but deep down I know that's because I'm TICKING him off! However, the tiniest things have made me doubt myself. For instance a friend informed me of a blogging site that I could use to "makeover" my blogging site. I was thrilled with the choices, and have enjoyed using all the features and becoming better at "improving" my site. However, I kept changing the pages almost daily...."have to have better buttons, make the page look better, that girls blog looks soo cute...its BETTER than mine!" I started laughing to myself wondering what in the world was going on. I couldn't even decide in my head on the easiest of questions. I was stuck on...what are my favorite colors really? Am a floral girl, or a funky girl?? Seriously, this is what I've come to? Finally, I've decided I'm classy with a bit of funk in me....as far as my blog goes...who knows what you will find when you look at it each day but I certainly pray that its no longer about the "looks" but about the "content".
SOOOO, the negative jar: that's a sore subject in our house but I'm determined to see it through. Elisha complained that she was too poor...I informed her that that would be all the more reason to "be careful with her tongue". Sarah has informed me that she just will quit talking. Trey seems to think he can open a line of credit for the day and just say what he will. All of the kids think that we should just have things we work on each year not each month...but I'm convinced that we can DO this. Elisha has a year and a half with us left and since she's not always with us that dwindles down to about a year basically. I want her to "miss" home greatly....I want her to be able to stick to her "core" when she's away and if our home is not a safe haven....then what legacy have we given them...what shelter have we made...what soft place have we given them to land on when the world is so cruel? We can do this, and it starts in our homes...right now!
Switching the subject! As you know I'm reading Captivating and I'm to the part where she is talking about her intimate relationship with Jesus. I have to say this is a hard part for me to read. I'm trying to understand it, I'm trying to relate but I have to admit this is going against every thing I've ever learned...perhaps that means that I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. When I'm at church and I see someone drinking a coffee in the sanctuary I'm thinking..."is that REALLY honoring?" We are in a sanctuary. However, I REALLY don't know if I'm hung up on appearances still or if its something that really shouldn't be done. If we look only on the outside not on the inside of a person can we really know their true motive? However, have we as adults lost all meaning of the word respect? Do men still take their hats off when people pray or when they eat at the table? Do people stand and say the pledge with their hand over their heart? Do people pull over and STOP when a funeral procession goes by or do we tag right behind? Yes, I know I got a little off the point. I'm just asking, I'm not telling....I really don't know if its wrong to drink a beverage in the sanctuary. What kind of person does that make me that I actually cringe when I see that? I think if I had an intimate relationship with God and not an "idea" of what God is than perhaps some of the little things wouldn't make me...ponder? Don't get me wrong I have a relationship but is it a friend casual relationship or is it a true intimate relationship? After reading this I'm not sure.....I read the Bible and pray and want to be more like Him...in saying that I realize that my Savior did not get "hung" up on these little things like I do....it sometimes seems that I'm more like a Pharisee...appearances, appearances....does it matter if I look all fabulous and my heart is wretched? I want to be the kind of Christian that looks at the heart not what a person does, that wants to build up and edify...not chastise and look down upon. Yes, we shouldn't tolerate sin and no I'm not talking about coffee anymore but GRACE....I really need to understand the meaning of that word GRACE!