This weekend started off o.k. The weather is fantastic compared to the several inches of snow we have had each week and the ridiculously cold temperatures. Everyone is breathing a sigh of RELIEF since our children are still bouncing off the walls. I first received a phone call from my father...he's upset his last Uncle has passed away. My Father doesn't cry often....hardly ever...nothing breaks my heart more than to hear him cry. I hate to see death...I hate to hear grief...I long for this to al end.
Weekend continues....again, nothing bad just glitches that steal my joy...rob it so much so that I just don't want to keep going. I reach for the phone twice...to cancel...just can't get myself to "FEEL" it...being the person that hates to disappoint I go I push through...and I'm glad I did but Satan had his hand in our lives all weekend long. Trying to steal joy, take away a ministry opportunity...tried to win...and he did win with certain things....just saying that makes me so angry.
My journey continues in my book "one thousand gifts." Tonight I read on how she spoke about seeing through God's eyes. Looking at this world and the situations of life how He would. This is my greatest area of struggle....my stubborn will...oh how I hate how I hang on to things...never letting go...never wanting to appear weak..never wanting to give up even when I know I'm wrong! "Seeing if of course very much a matter of verbalization. Unless I call my attention to what passes before my eyes, I simply won't see it." I never would have thought that true until I started reading this book. I'm sad to know what I've missed because I've been so caught up in the busy of life...not paying attention to the things of this world that make us smile...
15. a rabbit hopping by
16. the sound of birds singing
17. the sound of dripping as the snow melts
18. the color of true robing egg blue...OHHH I love that!
Looking at every situation as God would see it. A child that sasses...how would God approach that? "It's my own face that obscures the face of God." I'm so ready to yell and demand the right attitude....but in my yelling did I point my children to our Heavenly Father....does He yell at us when we have done the same thing for the 1 millionth time? Does God look at us as an reflection of Himself when we do wrong, when we don't measure up. We of course grieve Him when we do wrong and we don't act the way we should....but in this area how am I pointing my children back to God?
"Prayer without ceasing is only possible in a life on continual thanks." How can I pray to my Heavenly Father only when there is trouble? Do you want to be friends with those who only want to call you when they are in trouble? "The gift list is thinking upon HIs goodness." How can I be so selfish and stubborn...thinking that someday when A B and C are done that all will be well in my life and things will go better.
I want to Seek His face. "My heart says to you, "Your face, Lord, do I seek." Psalm 27:8.
I feel time passing...its passing faster with each day. I try to go slower, drink in the day with all it has to offer, enjoy the moments...write the gifts that He's given me each day. Say a special thanks for getting me through the tough times and praying that before I'm too old that this lesson on gratefulness, on the grace of God, on a thankful heart....will be learned.
I pray to be the woman that God wants me to be. To answer my children with a soft answer instead of feeding fuel to the fire....I pray to live in the moment of every day instead of just wanting to look at the day and checking it off as fast as I can. Why is the list of things to do the way that I look at as me "earning my keep" for the day? Why do we as women do that to ourselves?
I continue my list....and pray for change...for true heart change!
May His name be praised!