Thursday, February 10, 2011
Live Fully In the Moment
One Thousand Gifts continued.....I hope that you all have checked at this book but if not...I hope that you will.
Today I got to continue my list:
11. Enjoyed eating a chocolate chip cookie with Ellianna and smiled with chocolate teeth.
12. The smell of Basil cleaning products.
13. Heated seats on a very cold day.
14. Snuggling up and reading Silverlicious
The more I read, the more I know that this recent time with purging my home, purging my heart...it all goes together. Breathing in and out and slower and taking the time to "live in the moment" has been my theme lately. How many times have I told my daughter when she asked me to watch a show with her that I couldn't because Mommy has some quick chores to do. Perhaps a few minutes of not cleaning and snuggling with her would be a way to "slow" down and just take in the moment. Why am I always rushing and rushing to the next event or next thing on my "to do" list. I am simply not saying that cleaning and cooking and doing all the things that we have to do are not necessary...they most certainly are.
Today, I was tested...and failed. Living in the moment...I lost it..my children are in need of fresh air and running in the warm air...trouble is we are having the coldest winter I can remember. Words from the book "Life is not an emergency. Stay calm, enter the moment, give thanks." I want to be that mother and woman. I want to slow down and enjoy my life to the fullest...because much to soon...the days will be past.
I watch Ellianna and her wonder at EVERYTHING! When did we as adults lose our "wonder". Everything is new and exciting...even the smallest things...are amazing....I want to be there again...I want to breathe in the blessings of this life.
When Ron died and all that I knew about God changed I felt that He was punishing me...and that if I was bad it would happen again....I waited for it. I clung to my children, I clung to my husband WAITING for the bad to come visit it again. Terrified that it would be there again. It may come to my home again...but does that mean that my God is not a loving God? Does it mean that He doesn't love me? "always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" Eph 5:20. In this life we must all die...doesn't make it easy. I hate death...I hate saying goodbye...but I refuse to not "live" now in fear of the "death" that will come. Death separates us from those we love on this earth but we are united with the King of Kings to live with Him and all who love Him for eternity, still my small brain cannot comprehend the splendor of all that....I just fear saying goodbye to those that I love on this earth. Satan whispers to me lies and continues to feed the seed of fear. Death it will come...it breaks my heart and at times steals my sleep for the fear of it. I go and sleep next to my children for a time checking their breathing, kissing their foreheads, whispering to God a prayer of thanks for this day, today, the time they are safe in their beds, I wipe the tears and shake my head in anger at myself for once again getting upset about an event that hasn't happened.
So, I continue my list...and savor the days....I'm not perfect, I will growl at my children during certain times....but "Mamma Bear" may growl...but she loves her cubs.
15. Warm soup on a cold night
16. The laughter of friends
so I continue my list.....and will continue to learn to slow the pace of life.
May His name be praised!