There are days....I fall behind....try not to get lost in the melancholy of the day....the cold, the unrelenting snow falling...making it impossible to complete even the smallest bit of routine. I find myself holding my breath...hoping for a week when we can actually GO to the events that make up our week. I try as hard as I physically can to keep my children well. I buy vitamins, I buy vitamins for boosting immunity, I have rid my home of all chemicals in my cleaning products. I try to cook from scratch as much as possible, I try to get rid of all "boxed" meals...I still allow the occasional "fruit snack." Still, my Ellianna gets sick....every time she's sick again...my heart sinks...routine gone...sleep deprived....household chores behind.....ministry? Oh please, I can barely make it through the day much less minister to others.....I've been taken away from my friends, the cold keeps me from going anywhere....I'm officially alone. I find myself cooking meals, moving through the routine of the day, no joy, no hope...just looking for the END of the winter. Praying for my daughter to be well....so she can enjoy the things of childhood....not understanding why my child cannot stay well...thinking I'm a bad parent....not able to protect her from the smallest harm. For its not just a cold....its a full blown two week delay of nebulizers, steroids, and worry and fear and no sleep for all living here....it sucks the joy right out of me. I feel that I shall not make it to spring...I stare at this mountain....and I don't feel like climbing. I want to just go around, or sit at the bottom until help finds me or finds my skeleton...somedays I don't care.
It is at these times when I have been removed from absolutely every single distraction of life that I find that is when my layers start to really be taken off. That's when the "work" of my "ugly" heart seems to be revealed...perhaps that's why I dislike it so much...its to much to see and bear. I like it better where all the noise is.
The "gift list" continues....the book is pointing me back to where it should have been pointed at in the first place. Again, the book "one thousand gifts" I cannot even began to express how much this means to me.
If I may a few of my favorite parts in this evenings reading: " Prayer without ceasing is only possible in a life of continual thanks. The gift list is thinking upon His goodness. If clinging to His goodness is the highest form of prayer, then this seeing His goodness with a pen, with a shutter, with a word of thanks, these really are the most sacred acts conceivable."
9. A baby's giggle
10. Heart shaped cookie cutters
11. Warm apple cinnamon muffins
12. Warm toasty slippers
I have started with another list of painting projects for my house when the temperature decides to stay at 40 degrees or above. Painting the ceiling in my diningroom...changing the color of my kitchen to a color I wasn't brave enough to do in the beginning....these are all things that keep me motivated and keep me going.....but what keeps me happy? Giving thanks to the one and the only one who wants me to enjoy the things of this world.....not just GET through it...but to take those gifts...and enjoy them...so I give thanks...and in giving thanks I see more to be thankful for!
May HIS name be praised!