The last two months I've been in a funk....oh it comes and goes. I like so many in this world have learned a great thing since teenage days....its called...stuff it! I'm a great "stuffer". Someone says my house is to old....I "stuff" it. Someone tells me my kids are too far apart, I shouldn't have married who I did, I need to lose weight...(o.k. that one just me saying), make more lowfat dinners, make the money go longer, buy less stuff, organize more, look amazing, read your Bible more, spend more time with your kids, be a better stepmother, be a better piano teacher, be a better teacher, be a better friend, be a better listener, be a better blogger.....be a BETTER sister, be a better daughter, be a better....WHATEVEVER..stuff, stuff, stuff.....so I stuffed!
I decided to cook, organize, shop less, shop smarter, purge more, use what we have, make more myself. I started cleaning like a crazy and replaying those messages that others had given me and would scrub and scrub and scrub, organize and organize, purge and purge....I'm still purging. Then the weather would get warmer...my heart and spirit would soar....and now...we're BACK to cold and possible snow again....schedules that keep getting interrupted, people that keep getting sick....all the while...I stuff, and stuff!
I love to blog, don't know how many care what I have to say....but I enjoy it. I get intimidated by all of the talented people there in "blog land". The ones that have more followers than people that I ever could know in my whole life....you know the ones that have over 1,000 followers.....I can't imagine that many people LIKING me? ANYWAY, I'm reading one thousand gifts....its keeping me treading water at this point....I keep hearing the words echoed by a friend to me who I confide in about EVERYTHING...."We long for what we cannot have." We search, we ache, we throw ourselves down and have a pity party...and I guess that's what this all comes down to.....I want what I want and I'm mad that I don't have and that makes EVERYTHING else.....well...it makes even the slightest bend in the road seem like a major catastrophe of life. I don't laugh anymore, I'm cranky, I'm counting down the days but to what???? What am I counting down to? Yes, the winter blahs are coming like a vengeance but I can't use that as an excuse. Do I want my children to grow up thinking....well at least three weeks out of every month Mom was great....then came February and we just tried to tiptoe until April? I mean SERIOUSLY! Is this the legacy I want to leave behind?
So, I'm happy to report that this week I have major cut down on cleaning.....seriously are you clapping for me because this is BIG!!!!!!!!!!!! I have instead spent more time with my kids and really "being" there. I've done horrible with the yelling and grumpiness....I don't think I have anyone arguing about that....and I have a serious addiction to chocolate right now...seriously....its ridiculous!
I'm hoping for the rest of this week for me to be able to go with the flow...find the joy....and REST in the arms of the ONE and only that He's in control and all is well...without me FIXING it....or yelling at it....and "stuffing" it is not EVER going to help ANYONE!
Enjoy the rest of your week I know my Ellie will be thrilled....she was bawling the other day that all the snow was gone! I told her not for long...and yes I was smiling (sorta)
Who could be grumpy with that face walking around?