I think that pretty much all of us living around here would say we are DONE with winter. This winter has been very hard to say the least. We have dealt with sickness, sickness, sickness, snow, snow, snow and cold,cold, cold. I see the little green peeking up in my backyard and my negative spirit says..."I don't believe it...it will never be warm...I don't think spring will ever come." Even though it always does...spring warm glorious spring...always comes.
Do you feel surrounded by negative? Do you feel as if it hits you so hard you are left breathless? Do you feel that you are going to collapse under it? I know lately I do. There are days I don't think I can go any further...the questions about Trey....the words people say about his father...dealing with a young man wanting to wear his father's watch while watching the man who has been his Dad since he was three glance away....in hurt but also knowing that that biological bond can't be broken. I feel it to with Mark's girls....I'm not their Mom....I hurt, but they won't ever call me Mom...nor should they. As Trey grows older he asks more questions of his father. I battle....I fear...I deal with more "crud" that is called the "cleanup" than I thought was humanely possibly for anyone to do. THEN, when its all finally juggled the reality of THIS life comes into play....a bill for the store I forgot to pay, my son who suddenly forgot what an indirect object is or why in the world he has to study Latin or once again Ellianna is sick...which puts us off another week...not to mention scares me to death. Does any of this sound familiar? In the craziness of life I have veered off course and Satan has me exactly where he wants me and for me that place is...self doubt, self loathe, self destruction. Its his easiest weapon for me. If he can get me to doubt myself, to hate myself...then my joy leaves and damage can be done very quickly and easily.
Last summer I lost eight lbs and LOTS of inches....six of those eight lbs are back...because I gave in...I gave up....I didn't stick with the plan...which was simple really...and here we are....self doubt, self hate, self self self...
So, I got my one thousand gifts book out and read and read....several keypoints today "Feel thanks and its actually impossible to feel angry. We can only experience one emotion at a time. And we get to choose--which emotion do we want to feel?" How often do I chose anger, negativity, self self self.
So, I'm starting back on the list...right now...thought I might do a few in pictures and if you don't know which book I'm talking about...its called one thousand gifts by Ann Voskamp.
I'm thankful for lapbooks and that Ellianna loves them
for colors and glue
for patient bassett hounds
for my sons red cheeks when he's nervous (just like his Mamma!)
clearance finds at Hobby Lobby
clowning around gives me the GREATEST joy!
31. soft tissues
32. orange juice and ginger ale
33. listening to Ellie "read" Pinkalicious and sing in her room.
34. watching your son still play with Lego action figures...knowing that I can still enjoy he's a boy for a little longer.
35. the snoring of our dog
36. the chime of our clocks
37. a fresh cup of coffee with just the right amount of cream and sugar
38. Ellianna saying "Good night MOmmy! Wuv u!"
So today, I choose...gratefulness and joy...no more self hatred, shame, listening to the negative...choose JOY! Choose to laugh! Choose to live the FULL life...the way God intended for us to LIVE!