This morning....well it probably wasn't the one that I want to be remembered for. I found myself in a corner crying praying for God to guide me at 9:15am. Feeling that I had failed ALREADY and was ready to call it quits for the day....
I believe no matter how many children you have there will always be difficulties and there is no ONE way fixes ALL that is EVER going to work. For me right now with my dear son we are working on procrastination, bordering on laziness....its difficult for me to say that. I want him to be a man that grows up and works hard to provide for his family. I want him to be proud of a job well done. I want him to learn the benefits of working at something for awhile and accomplishing the goal...not quitting when it gets hard. I pray every day that I will be able to teach him that...without...losing my temper.
As I sat by my kitchen counter crying and asking God to show me how to help my son understand...I felt arms around me and a heart that was upset at the way that he had spoken to me...and I felt relief....gratefulness...light...there was light that I could see that perhaps we were breaking through!
Tonight was homeschool spring program and as I sat there listening to the band, the choir, watched the slideshow of my Ellie's preschool "Cat In The Hat" class and listened to the sniffling of my friends beside me as they played the song "Let them be Little" I wanted to scream and did in fact say out loud "TURN that off!" as my friend beside me put her fingers in her ears and said "I can't hear it nah nah nah nah" For the sake of my friends privacy I will not release their names but....it made me catch my breath! I DID not cry....very proud of myself....but I thought...my baby is gonna be four in a month! Where did it go?
This month is insane, next month is insane. By the time we slow down its the middle of summer and then all the sudden summer is over and school is starting and the kids are growing and I'm sitting there wondering "Where did the time go? How did we get here so fast?" My baby nephew is graduating this year....my friends son is graduating, my other friends daughter...and we still say "Where did it go?"
So, I will treasure the moments when I can share with my son about writing down ten things every day he is thankful for. Sharing with him the changes that God is making in my life because of a simple change of perspective....slowing down and savoring all that life has to offer. I shall take each day and approach it not with the "Grr, lets check this list off...but with a let's embrace this making mississippi mud cake for the boy scout dinner and enjoy reading with Ellie....because all too son...I will have plenty of time to sit in my spotless house and wish and dream for the days....like today....bad Mom and all:)
May His name be praised!