About Me

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Saint Joseph, MO, United States
I'm a stay at home Mom of two children and I have the unique privilege of being able to homeschool both of them. I am a stepmother to two older daughters one who is going to college. I enjoy shopping, baking, cooking, cleaning, organizing, running, clowning, making soap, playing piano and lately painting with ASCP paint! I am learning to enjoy the little things in life and make the most of it...clinging to my Savior through the tears that life brings and enjoying his GRACE He gives us every day! Thanks for stopping by!

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Thursday, April 21, 2011

When It's Dark...then I can See

I find myself walking around with a bit of a...well....a "boulder" on my shoulder shall I say. I keep running into people that are...well...I find myself telling our dear Savior the following: "If these people were more like you, wouldn't it just make the world a much better place?" I have to laugh to myself at how He must have laughed thinking that I very much fit into that category!

What is your biggest fear? Seriously, is it so scary to think it that you are afraid to voice it? In reading my book "one thousand gifts" it has not just been the "happy" attitude about life...but it has shown me the REAL true meaning of having a relationship with my Jesus. In writing down the gifts....for me...it solidifies His love, it shows me ALL He has done for me....it reminds me that I am His...it shows me that NOTHING will happen for me that is NOT for my good! I walk around in FEAR...I do, Fear that women won't like me...fear that someone close to me will be taken from me...FEAR that our business will collapse...FEAR that my children will grow up not following Christ...Fear that my marriage will fall aprt...FEAR that I will have to bury my children before I feel its their time... I am completely RULED by fear. As I have written the gifts day after day...as I have walked around with this constant reminder...I find my fears leaving. Writing the gifts is not a "pollyanna" approach to life...its drawing closer to the Almighty....its walking with Him daily, its STEPPING out...yes its STEPPING out...and...

I find myself like my Ellie as she gets ready to jump into the ball pit at gymnastics...she's scared to death...talks to herself and says "I can do it, I'm not scared...1...2....3...JUMP!" That's how I feel right now....clinging to the side saying to myself..."I'm ready to trust...1...2...

Last night as I lay in bed I found myself going through events of the day, things that annoyed me...making my list in my head and I found myself touching my face and realizing the facial expressions I was making in the dark! My face was contorted, I probably would have been scared to see what the expression looked like in the light...and it was then I realized....the same battle that I continue to have over and over and over again....people...they way THEY treat me, the way THEY talk about me...it is NOT what I should focus on. Instead of laying there brewing about it I should focus on MYSELF and the fact that perhaps the "yucky" attitude that I'm having is perhaps not how Christ would have me behave...regardless of the wrongs that people have done to me. How hard is that? To let it GO....to FORGIVE....to TRUST....to give someone else the CONTROLS....its freedom and I've heard about it...but now I'm ready to say..3! Whose with me?

May His name be praised!

I encourage you to join in on reading "one thousand gifts". It's life changing...

Someday...I won't let others comments and behaviors control me. Someday I won't yell at my children...someday...I'll be perfect!

However, I'm not there YET!


2 comments:

  1. beautiful, beautiful post. thank you for linking up!
    xoxo.

    ReplyDelete