I didn't get to see my Dad today...I thought I would get to see him yesterday things didn't work out....so I have to wait a couple of weeks. However, I did think a lot about him today...and how much I loved him.
My Dad has had to do a lot of things that not to many Dad's have had to do. As the last of five daughters he was pretty tired by the time it got to me...that was o.k. I guess....I was a bit dramatic...
I have a temper like my Dad...but fearful what people may think of me...I can be stubborn like my Dad to...hold on to an idea...just to be difficult...even though I know its wrong...but when it comes down to it...I got my "grit" my "go getter" attitude from my Dad. The "don't give up, quit that crying, don't make me cry or I'll slap you!" attitude from my Dad...and that "survival" attitude is why I am who I am today.
Life isn't pretty...it beats you up pretty severely....the day I had to tell my Dad that I needed his help because I needed to separate from my first husband who was doing things he shouldn't....he took my son and my little ol self in...My Father was mad...I would have been to if it was my daughter. When we got the phone call that my love of my life had been killed in a car accident...no one cried harder than my Father....my Father doesn't cry...not EVER! That day...I needed him to cry...I needed everybody to cry...because I was completely broken. After that...he gave me shelter, helped me start over...let me go again when I met my husband who I have been almost married to for eight years.
I know that my Dad won't always be around and I'm thankful for the blessing that he is to me and my children...and I'm thankful for the times when he taught me to keep going, not to give up...and yes...even when he said not to cry. Sometimes as a girl you want to just sit down and cry...but that won't fix anything just make your eyes all scrunch up and cause wrinkles :)
So Dad....thanks...thanks for teaching me to be tough...and on the days that life really gives you something difficult...that its ok to sit down and cry....cause some days...nothing else but love from your family and a Holy God will make anything better.
I also appreciate the softer side...here you see pics of he and my E as he made her a playhouse...just like the one that I had when I was her age...that must have been a day when he wanted to cry....watching your daughter with her daughter...and knowing how quickly...how very quickly the time goes by...I still can't believe my E is four and that my T is 11...when did time go so quickly.
I look at these pictures of me when I was little...wow...time is our enemy.
Today as I celebrated with my husband who has four children....three girls and one boy. My boy.....my boy...is special to my heart...but I'm learning to let him go...its his father's turn...my time is ending...and I don't want it to but it is...
My boy...a gift...a perfect baby...my perfect gift. Without him..I'm not sure I would have made it those dark days...but I did with the help of his big blue eyes and amazing smile. He is as tall as me...I saw it today...while I sang praise music at church...wishing for when he was E's height...but knowing that he will grow closer to his father's height before its over...so I feel I have more time...and I'm holding on.
His Father...not his biological one but one that has raised him from the time he was three...and on. Their relationship...strained at times but growing ever stronger...as I release my hold.
The word Father, Daddy, Dad....just because you create a child doesn't mean that you are their father....what invesment have you made? My husband and my son....I pray for that relationship daily...one that has no biological ties can be strong but for the bond to be made comes from prayer...and patience...and mother....letting go.
Today...I celebrate the men in my life. The ones that made me strong...made me know when its ok to cry...to learn to cling to my Heavenly Father...and I'm blessed above measure!
May His name be praised!