I am blessed that I have friends and family who approach the throne on my behalf.
Now, I sit here in the quiet of the day...watching my E make necklaces with her beads...enjoying the air conditioning and staying out of the heat. Today, my spirit is resting...as it has been fighting and has been attacked in a battle that I care not go into again.
We as women hide our hurt, hold it close, never wanting others to see. We can be strong, never letting others know of the hurt...smiling at our children telling them that its ok...inside the storm is brewing and the only one who hears us is an Almighty God...who else do I need? He sends me friends...and sisters...those who close in around me...and approach the throne on my behalf...and that is what sustains me. That is what gives me strength to continue....I feel the pull of Satan and his attack ceasing...but the battle is not forgotten...the enemy is not gone...but I'm blessed because in this fight....God has fought for me...because in my own strength I am so weak...and in Him I am made strong.
Sunday I speak on the gifts that have changed my life...that I believe can change every woman's life for the good. Learning to let go of the fear...even in these past days and seeing His love for me...and the miracles that can take place...when we let go....and let Him...and we step away...and let Him...and we fall on our knees...and let Him...and we come humbly before, truthfully showing our fears, our hurts, our concerns, our anger..all of what seems so ugly...but yet without seeing the hurts of our hearts and the raw anger there can be no healing....so I show it to Him....and He comes...and He heals...and I stand waiting....for the miracle...of the healing. He and He alone can heal and restore....and I am bending, pausing, praying...waiting. Satan is still attacking...I feel it even now...and I know that He is not wanting me to tell of the gifts that God has given to each of us...that can draw us closer to our Almighty.
Who knew when I said yes that I would share on a topic of gratitude that for a month I would be under spiritual attack? Who knew that Satan would be so upset about me sharing about the gifts....but he is...and I press on...for I am weary...but grateful...for the prayers, and for the lessons...but wishing the hurt could be gone...and the thorns disappear....forever. On my lips I have paused and quickly shut my mouth not wanting to utter the words "Why?" I have shut my eyes as the tears begin to fall and I find myself feeling much of the same way that I once felt ten years earlier...wondering where I went wrong...why am I here again? Yet, here I am...and like everyone right now praying for rain to fall to bring relief...I am there asking if He might show me the way.