I used to live in a house with green shutters and a dalmation dog named Sebastian and a silly cat named Abuh. We had two cars and a motorcycle...we had a new baby boy and life to me was...perfect.
One night I rocked my baby boy in his nursery that I worked so hard to prepare and thought out every detail and sat in confusion at how it had all ended....I ask you...how do you deal with the ugly? I sat and rocked my baby boy knowing that he would never remember that nursery, this house, our car....I ask you...how do you deal with the ugly?
Two years passed....heads turned when people saw me coming....how do you deal with the ugly? People said they were praying....asking for the details....how do you deal with the ugly?
My prayers were answered in an emergency room...not at all how I planned it...not at all how I thought it would end....forgiveness sometimes doesn't come in words...it comes in silence...and waiting...and knowing....and sometimes it isn't asked for...its given...its given again and again.
My house is a family blended....I could tell you things that I deal with that would make you cry....tell me what do you do with the ugly? I bake homemade bread, fill empty tummies with food, fill empty and sad souls with praise music and rock and pray...tell me how do you deal with the ugly?
Sometimes in life we are the ones that have to deal with what has been given to us...even though we didn't "do" the "wrong". In "dealing" with the sins of others we find forgiveness...forgiveness for them...forgiveness for ourselves...and pray that the battle ends there...with us.
My prayer for each child leaving our home...is to walk in the path of the Almighty, to hear His calling on their lives...to know that they are NOT destined for failure because of the past...that we are made for great things.
Sometimes..the world pins me in...makes me feel that giving up is easier...I don't want to answer the questions that cause so much pain...I don't want to deal with the ugly anymore....but I know I must not give in and I must not hold it...I must continually give it to the Savior....because I don't know what to do with the ugly of this life and the scars that come from the pain that others put us through...and the things that they leave us with.
I count the gifts....the ugly goes away....I pray for grace...I count the gifts...and the joy returns...and the ugly.....flees...
270. Date night with hubby.
271. Chocolate cheesecake.
272. Watching movie uninterrupted
273. Quiet night on porch...just talking.
274. Sleeping E stirring when I kiss her chubby cheek
275. Son with wet head smelling good from his shower...I shall miss him at church camp next week.
276. Homemade febreeze spray.
May His name be praised!