About Me

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Saint Joseph, MO, United States
I'm a stay at home Mom of two children and I have the unique privilege of being able to homeschool both of them. I am a stepmother to two older daughters one who is going to college. I enjoy shopping, baking, cooking, cleaning, organizing, running, clowning, making soap, playing piano and lately painting with ASCP paint! I am learning to enjoy the little things in life and make the most of it...clinging to my Savior through the tears that life brings and enjoying his GRACE He gives us every day! Thanks for stopping by!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I shake my head no

This week has been hard...harder than I thought it should be...nine years should be long enough...I should be past this...but this year...my boy grew tall...he's changing...he looks so much like my past....those eyes...those hands...that smirk...the way he cocks his head....the man I lost so long ago....now is what I'm beginning to see in what once was my little boy.

My husband now has forgotten what this week is...I shall not remind him...he asks if something is wrong...I shake my head no. How does one say to the man she now loves that the man she once loved she is missing? Seems wrong in so many ways....seems like some sort of betrayal.

I press on...even though I feel right now like quitting...I feel overwhelmed by life and the circumstances that I face now....but I press on. Not on human strength but on the wings of prayer...on the wings of those that pray for me...that circle around me and urge me on. I feel pain like I do when I'm running....just waiting for the time to be done....but feeling so happy that I pressed on....that I continued...that I didn't quit....but the sidelines are looking so good to me right now....they are calling me to sit...and rest for awhile...I shake my head no....and dig deep within myself and come up empty....I call out to God for help...He reaches down to me...sends me a friend... who urges me on....

So, I shake my head no...I'm not giving in....but my soul is weary...

1 comment:

  1. OH sweet one!! I want to hug you and let you cry!! I want to sit over a cup of coffee (probably iced in this heat) and listen to your memories of the past and dreams of the future! Please hold on to the promises of our Lord... He will not leave you... He will comfort you!! Rest in his arms and let his love surround you! It's ok to hurt, it's ok to cry. Know that a stranger in Oklahoma is praying for you this week.
    Psalm 18:2
    The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the hornof my salvation, my stronghold.