Ok......I started this blog to be open and honest....so here goes....my life....all out there...today...this is it....don't be scared...I'm just a Mom.
I clutch the steering wheel to my awesome mini-van...we have a love/hate relationship me and that van. It doesn't like me...yes, its true...I know its "alive". Sometimes the slider doors won't open, or the back window vents and lately the passenger window won't go down...well that happened back in May...however, that puppy can hold the "stuff" as I pack in a million trips on my day of errands...that is when I "love" her...but most the time...I hate her...don't tell her though...I don't want to hurt her feelings!
So, here I was...clutching the steering wheel playing the events of the day in my mind...my T was argumentative today...AGAIN...my E was whiny and once again....a time out at dance...she just couldn't bring herself to stop being a "frog" when it was time to be a "crab"...so all the other little girls got a sticker...but mine...she didn't....even brought her "case" before the teacher....and said she would try harder next week to be "good". So, the whole way BACK into town to get my T from soccer (who kept texting me about where I was)...and I had myself a little cry....of course when one is feeling down...ALL of the failures come back...Why won't my E flush the toilet or wash her hands without being reminded every single day of her life several times a day...why can't my son T see the piles of clothes on his floor or think that the cover on the bed under the comforter won't be seen as a huge lump in the middle of the bed? Who has the kids who do their chores without complaining?? Who has those kids and why don't I? Will there ever come a time that I don't have to say "Put the LINER in the trashcan!" or my personal fav..."Seriously, I'm the ONLY one who can replace the toilet paper?"...or my spotless, just cleaned bathroom have fresh "toothpaste spots" all over it....it can't even be clean for THREE HOURS?????
To me its like we keep hitting a brick wall...the only common denominator was me right? Some people can say to their kids...do this...and there is no whining....no drama...they obediently and sweetly do it....I used to be that Mom....but somehow....now I'm the Mom on the other side....praying for my child NOT to get a timeout at dance class, hoping that my child is being good at cubbies, praying that my T is not being a "sass" to others....I pray for them every day and night....I teach them verses, tell them stories, punish them for not doing what they need to...but somehow along the way I feel that I have failed....and am failing miserably.
Lately, I've wondered if I should just take a week off of school as we work on drill for obedience (yeah...that sounds like someone needs to go to "crazy town" eh) Then as I drove along I realized.....
These days will be gone soon...and even though they feel incredibly hard now soon...they will just be a memory...this is just a "hump" in the road...it will not always be this way and then....I hear from the back seat:
"Mommy, I won't ever leave you....not even when I'm a big girl at cowage! I will come back and stay with you foreber!" Now, who can NOT smile at that!
So, like my 5K that I'm determined to finish under 40 minutes....I'm just going to keep working, praying...and working and praying...for only God can change the hearts of my children....but through discipline given in a loving manner....and lots of prayer....change can happen...if I don't grow weary!
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Don't give up.....I know that its to important of a fight to give in!
May His name be praised....this pic was taken around Christmas of last year...I can't believe how much they've grown since then....