Bad news comes when you least expect it. I guess that is what is so cruel about bad news...it catches you off guard. It comes when your enjoying life..sipping coffee, driving in a routine route, comes when you are just trying to figure out how you are going to get everything that needs to be done...done...then SMACK! It's almost as if the universe is laughing at me...of course I know who controls the universe and know that this all has passed through my Father's hand...and He has ALLOWED it to come to me.
I was given a cause for pause the other day from my doctor...they have to run another test in April to see how it all shakes out...she told me not to worry...not to freak out....not to lose sleep....and most days I don't....most days....I forget....almost. As a mother what worries more than anything else is leaving my children on this earth without me...or they leaving me on this earth without them. There are times that I am completely shaken to my core and not able to let it go...not able to give it to the Savior. I'm like a small child clutching something that I cannot control...but still...I hold...I beg...I worry....I pray...and when I'm done praying....peace comes...and I can rest.
After I let the peace wash over me...which took a bit of time of SHEER PANIC....I decided to enjoy life more.....get in more playtime...more projects that I enjoy....but WHY does it always seem to take something SERIOUS to wake us up to that? Why does it take the possibility of a disease to wake my spirit to seeing what's really important...instead of trying to check off my checklist everyday. Why do I find myself worrying about how clean the floor is and the dust...etc? Why does it seem that we go through life and watch all the people close to us and their trials and when something shakes our dear friends....it wakes us up...but then....life returns to normal....and so do our habits...and then we are BACK again...the same routine....the same spirit of mundane?
This thought keeps plaguing me again and again....lets say this test comes back normal...what then? Will I go back to my normal way of thinking....or will I decide to live my days to the fullest? More twirling with my E...more painting...more playing games with my T....more walks with my children...more talking to them about just whatever...more, more, more....TIME. So, for now and hopefully a long, long time from now....I'm trying to take the TIME for the things that matter most. Oh don't worry....my house is clean...but not so clean that if you looked hard you wouldn't find dirt...and lately I've been hitting the "refresh" button on the dryer...