Watching death....its ugly....its something I hope to never have to do again...there are images that my mind can only process one image at a time. Being surrounded by so many deaths and so much sickness really made me want to stop and just take in any moment that I could that brought me any sort of happiness. My mind was continually brought back to the reality of how quickly time passes. As I watched my daughter run in the cemetery just like I once ran with cousins so long ago...I was caught with how quickly time passes for me.....how we as children accept that death has come...and yet....we still run....and jump....and laugh...even in the midst of such sadness...and I found myself...wishing I was young...and could go run and jump and laugh like they were.
My heritage laid out before me in the ground I stood on. This tiny town that both of my parents grew up in and all those that they had known as children and young adults...now gone...the thought was sobering...the enormity of it enough to take your breath away. I felt like sitting down and writing my thoughts right in the middle of the cemetery...my heart was weak...my thoughts were muddy...all I could think about was how thick and heavy the air of death is...I wanted to run and shake it off of me like some liquid that could be sponged off...but I could not...the feeling that sat on my heart as I left that place nearly took my breath away.....but death...it is not the end...it is only the beginning...those of us who know Christ...know that this world is not all there is...this is not as good as it will get...our reward will be in heaven...where there will be no more tears, no more sorrow, no more pain, no more goodbyes....
The words from my pastor as he preached my mother n law's funeral last week for us...were "Live, continue to live!" It is so easy for everyone to grieve and mourn and forget that it is ok to Live...forget that we have a mission and we need to fulfill it....yes, we are sad that those that we loved are no longer with us...but we must still live....and continue the path that God has created for us to walk. Continue our mission that only we can fulfill.
I hope that when my time comes that my children say...and those that knew me say..."she lived with the conviction and spirit of the Almighty." I don't want there to be any doubt of who I am and what I believe in...of who I place first....may it be said that I walk with God so that when my life is over, those who knew me will know that "she walks with Jesus."
Philippian 1 :6
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.
I have much to complete...I have many tasks to be done...I must run the race with perseverance....I must keep keeping on. When the storms of life come at me...( death of my first husband,my Dad's heart attack, my sister has breast cancer) I must not give up. For it is the race that He has set before me.
So thankful that God has allowed so many blessings into my life....may I always be found FAITHFUL!
May His name be praised!