Yesterday I went to the massage therapist...in case you are not aware...that does not feel good. I use the term "runner" loosely...but I do do it. I only log at the most six to nine miles each week so I can hardly say "I'm a runner". However, as of late I have finished without injury two 5K's and getting ready to do two more. As he was working on me yesterday he made some comments that rang very true...kinda eery how your body will tell the truth when you are in denial. He made the point that I was like a "body of armour" trying to protect myself from hurt...I of course rolled my eyes (he couldn't see me do that though:( ) He then went on to say that perhaps I couldn't move forward in my running because I was holding onto things.....hmmmmmm. I didn't like that....I'm from a family of "tuck in under the rug, don't SHARE" Pull up your bootstraps and GET OVER IT!
The other night in our Bible Study they started talking about things that they remember that are hurtful when they were growing up....I did not have a good attitude about that...I was not enjoying the fact that we were discussing this. In my heart I was feeling that these women should be OVER this already...WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT IT!
Then this week I have had a conflict in my neighborhood with someone...and its a BIG conflict. I went over to try to talk things out...they yelled at me, used profanity, slammed the door in my face after telling me to get off their property. I will not go into the details of this conflict but they have pretty much taken all "gungho" is that a word? from me. I tried to talk about it, fix it, smooth it over...and the door was literally slammed in my face!
Tonight we are having a fall party. I'm trying to clean and decorate and make soups today...but really...all I want to do is pack up all my belongings and my family and move to a little A-frame in the middle of the woods (with a Target 20 min away and CVS too..and maybe a Costco) and I could just relax, lay down my armour, chill out.
I guess what got to me the most yesterday was my massage therapist. I think in his own weird way he hit the nail on the head. I need to let go of some things...letting the people that hurt me, continue to hurt me, people that don't like me just because I exist and nothing more...and let it go.
I have come to the conclusion that this is easier said than done. Going to be talking a lot to my Savior today as I clean, etc and get ready for our party. Trying to let people see my imperfections, trying not to worry constantly what other people think of me...and just being content...right here...on Jules street....in the big green house...with the conflict that I can't fix, going to the church that I don't seem to fit in, dealing with the kids that don't always obey and sometimes are rude, driving the van that I hate with the scratches on it, living in the house with the plastic on the windows cause they are leaded glass and to beautiful to replace.
Today on my Iphone this is the verse that just popped up as I opened it...
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
Peace....I need peace...and I need to trust...how bout you????
So, have a glorious day and I will be getting ready for my fall party. Here's a sneak peek as to what I will be..