About Me

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Saint Joseph, MO, United States
I'm a stay at home Mom of two children and I have the unique privilege of being able to homeschool both of them. I am a stepmother to two older daughters one who is going to college. I enjoy shopping, baking, cooking, cleaning, organizing, running, clowning, making soap, playing piano and lately painting with ASCP paint! I am learning to enjoy the little things in life and make the most of it...clinging to my Savior through the tears that life brings and enjoying his GRACE He gives us every day! Thanks for stopping by!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Put it Nicer

For the past two and a half weeks me and my E have been at home.  I've been able to run some errands while my T watches her for a little while..but those trips are few (just one) until Gma came and then there was one more.  Part of me has enjoyed the solitude, the being "put away" from society.  I confess....right now I'm not happy.  I watch the news...the children dying, the people killing themselves, the "winter break" instead of Christmas vacation, neighbors who show their hatred for me on their faces when all I did was have a yogurt wrapper drop on the pavement.  I still wish for my A-frame in the woods...away from all the crazy, away from all the mean.  I dream of families that love each other that don't constantly bicker, that encourage one another.  You know, the ones at the soccer field rooting for that poor child who is downright horrible but every knows how lucky he is because he has this family that loves him so much they are making fools of themselves cheering for him?

I long for conversations where I can say what's on my mind...without being judged...without someone saying they have to fix me.  I long to go to church where I have friends instead of only being close on facebook....I long to be accepted for just being me.

I long to not feel shame for not being a coupon queen, for having a messy basement, for not waking up at 6am and having a huge breakfast prepared for my husband and kids, for forgetting to run my mileage so I can run my half in five months, for not being the perfect wife, for forgetting things...for, for, for....I get overwhelmed with all the for.....

I look at our society lately and I can't help but want to crawl in an A-frame in the woods.  We as people, we as christians.....do we love? The other night our ladies group had a Christmas get together.  I couldn't believe the things that christian women said to one another??? I wasn't even there! These were things that I was TOLD happened and then I had them confirmed....how can we expect the world to be any different if we ourselves are hateful to one another, hold grudges, talk badly, not include others in our circle....because that would be uncomfortable.

I can honestly say that I long for my childhood friends where we went to highschool and some went to college.  STill when we get together we start from where we left off....know every good and bad thing about each other...and still....we still love each other....

I'm a graduate from a conservative christian highschool and college...I was taught how to act in church and in public...how to let things go gracefully, how to keep my mouth shut when I disagree.  How to treat my boss and how to do what he says no matter how insane I thought the idea.  I was taught and STILL do say "Yes Maam and No Maam" to those that are older than me.  You will never hear me call someone "dude" you will never hear me listen to poetry where foul language is used and that is met with standing ovation? Have we lost our minds?

Yes I long for the A-frame in the woods...where my praise music and target shopping online are available at my fingertips.  I long to be away from people who hate me because I believe in God, because I have values, because I hold my kids to a higher standard and TRY to teach them to HONOR, RESPECT, WORK HARD, LOVE ONE ANOTHER....and I find myself failing.....I find myself wanting to give in....close my eyes...and just let the waves come....and fade out from this life....

God requires me to keep marching no matter who hate me, no matter who wish I would move away, no matter....no matter.....no matter.

Go...and Seek...and Love One Another...

This coming week I'm going to try to do what I used to do...send one to two letters to those that God lays on my heart this week....and every week. I'm going to start writing down the "gifts" so that I can see the good and wonderful things that God has allowed in my life....there are so many...

I just counted a few of my blessings:)

1 comment:

  1. AMEN Sister~I feel the SAME way~I could have wrote this~Just remember to look/seek upon His wonderful face and see all the mighty gifts he HAS given and most importantly give praise in all circumstances~even the messy basement! :)