There are some things in this life that are hard for me to get over....make your own list in your mind...but mine are as follows:
1. People that have wronged me (remember I'm not saying these are GOOD things)
2. People that have wronged my children
3. People that have wronged others
Yep! I've got a people problem it would appear eh? However, my biggest problem is fear...fear of lots of things but I guess the biggest is that I fear waiting for the bottom to fall out....I live my life two ways...waiting...and enduring.
I've been reading the book Dancing with my Father...by Sally Clarkson...she also has a great book on motherhood...run out and buy them NOW! She talks about how if we learn the spirit of joy as we walk through trials that we can embrace them with less stress because we are resting in the Father and that He is in complete control of our lives...if you need a mental picture (and I always do) I guess it would be like falling backwards into His hands and just allowing yourself to just...fall. I also am continuing the Gifts and have a devotional by Ann Voskamp...again, go run and get them if you don't have them...its life changing!
Right now I'm on the mountain after a very long long long patient learning lesson. I'm a bit fearful as I'm packing boxes that the deal will fall through on our house and we won't move and we won't build and that it is all just too much and God won't give me this gift....ridiculous really. I'm His child no one loves me more than he does...but this fear that Satan puts in my mind all the time makes me live like a crazy person peering out from every corner just waiting to get hit over the head...this is NOT how God wants me to live. Why can't I just accept that God has given me something GOOD and accept it with JOY instead of just waiting for the hit on the head!
To this day when I go through trials I can hear my childhood preachers in my head "When you go through trials evaluate if there is sin in your life, did you tithe, where are your priorities." I think without meaning to this message has been completely twisted in my head that basically if I'm going through a trial then God is punishing me and if there is a ray of sunshine it will be blacked out soon and God will be there standing over me saying "HA HA GOT YA!" I know saying this out loud makes me sound insane but for whatever reason that seems to be the way I'm acting lately....so...here I go...stepping out with joy....stepping out on faith...accepting His good gift and letting it all go....of course in the back of my mind I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop....yep, I need lots of prayer:))))
Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trust in you.